Valentine’s Week of Sex Ranking Post: Of the Films Where Shahrukh Had Sex, Rank Them in Order From Best to Worst Sex

A vital question for our time. I was going to do a general “hottest sex scene in films where they had sex” ranking post, but the list got too long, so I am breaking it down by actor.

Obviously we don’t really see-see the sex. So part of this is using our imagination. Based on what we do see, and what we know of the characters, which fictional SRK do we think had the most fulfilling sex life with his partner?

Chaahat

Evidence: This Song

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

Evidence, the cute flirting in the morning when Kajol calls him “sexy”, the bangles scene, and this deleted scene

Chalte Chalte

Evidence: This scene and song

Paheli

Evidence: Rani’s general happiness through out. Also, this song

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Evidence: Rani crying at the end

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

Evidence: Cute end credits photos with Anushka goofing with a fake mustache

Image result for rab ne bana di jodi end credits photo

My Name is Khan

Evidence: Shahrukh says “I think we should have sex now” and Kajol drops everything with a smile

Jab Tak Hai Jaan

Evidence: Must have been good if it keeps them going for ten years

Raees

Evidence: Zaalima fantasy song, he likes it when she pretends to be angry

Okay, ready for my ranks?

  1. Paheli: she’s ready to lie to everyone, and he gives up his ghostly powers, it MUST be good!
  2. Chalte Chalte: They fight all the time, and also make-up all the time, plus they like light role playing
  3. My Name is Khan: Kajol’s enthusiasm and happy smile makes me think Rizwan is very very good. Plus, we already know he is super loving and giving and likes figuring things out and following clear directions.
  4. K3G: After ten years she can still surprise him, and she is the one taking the lead sexually over and over again, which is a good sign.
  5. Raees: Seems like he enjoys giving up control to someone, which is good. But he is also very busy with other things, which is bad.
  6. Chaahat: So young! So innocent! And the couple still just feels miss-matched to me
  7. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi: Definitely very happy and satisfying for them, I just don’t get the feeling it can compete with what’s going on in the other bedrooms
  8. Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna: The fact that they are willing to break up after one time together just makes me think it couldn’t have been THAT good.
  9. Jab Tak Hain Jaan: Dumb young people thinking they are in love and getting all cold on rooftops and breaking their backs in phone booths, it’s just unpleasant

24 thoughts on “Valentine’s Week of Sex Ranking Post: Of the Films Where Shahrukh Had Sex, Rank Them in Order From Best to Worst Sex

  1. So busy but I canโ€™t resist this post (surprise, surprise) so here goes:

    Paheli (hot ghost action, Raniโ€™s reaction)
    Raees (I like him a little dark and strong the way he grabs her wrist each time and with eyeliner)
    MNIK (Kajol was absolutely good to go! He would for sure be eminently teachable)
    K3G (I like that deleted scene, first time seeing it! But the bangles, yikes…thatโ€™s fire. One of my fave Shah Rukh moments ever. EVER.)
    RNBDJ (imagine how surprised Suri was by all the stuff she did to him! And he had waited a long time.)
    JTHJ
    Chalte chalte (Iโ€™m not crazy about this relationship)
    Chahaat
    KANK

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    • Other advantage of K3G and MNIK, we see them after years and years of marriage, just as hot as ever. That’s something! The Raees fire, even Paheli, that could disappear over time. But K3G and MNIK, if anything they just got hotter!

      On Wed, Feb 12, 2020 at 5:53 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      Liked by 1 person

    • I still haven’t seen MNIK but I’m 100% with you on the other 3 of your top 4.

      The bangles scene?? Oh. my. god.
      Paheli was just all around hot and I am a sucker for dark/strong SRK in eyeliner.

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  2. Ha ha, “busy” me, too, and enjoying to not be able to “resist”, too ๐Ÿ˜€ So, ShahRukh and his erotic ways (not really a ranking…there is no “worst” with ShahRukh in my thinking ๐Ÿ˜‰ ):

    Well, Paheli…they have a fulfilling love-relationship during some years…and with someone who lets us know that he is what a woman yearns for…so no doubt about joyful sex ๐Ÿ™‚
    Raees…intense, mature, playful, with changing roles who initiates sex…unfortunately, Raees had a very dangerous (and short) life.
    K3G…yep, the bangles!!! …and their kind of interaction in London (including the inversion of roles that makes Kajol the more active one)
    Chalte Chalte…their sex life may be the healthiest part of their relation.
    MNIK…just sweet and attentive
    KANK…fullfilling and discovering (and was it really only one time??? I doubt)
    JTHJ…for both the other was the first love…and until the accident a youthful, fullfilling and discovering one…they will rekindle that love again (with Anushka fortunately as the katalyst to rekindle his love for life)
    RNBDJ…a good start into a satisfying sex-life ๐Ÿ™‚
    Deewana…I think nice and fulfilling, too…until Rishi appears…and has no chance of rekindle her former love to him
    Ra.One…healthy sex life (suddenly finished) with obviously fond memories
    King Uncle…I imagine a nice sex-life…never boring
    EBDM…Hari surely had a very fulfilling sex life (only far too short)
    Fan…I think, sex was not an issue between Aryan Khanna and his wife
    Chahaat…it’s the least I’m interested in the protagonists’ sex-life however it may be…my interest here is more about the suppressed physical attraction of the siblings and what results from it.
    HTHS…with a husband more occupied with his insecurity and jealousy sex may not be that wonderful although it may very well improve after Aishwarya intervened.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for adding them all on! I limited myself to just the most well known so as not to overwhelm folks.

      Glad to see we all agree that Paheli is clearly the hottest.

      I think I would put HTHS higher, but it depends on how we are counting too. I think when they were happy at the start of the marriage, the sex was great. We see both Shahrukh and Madhuri really enjoy it and want to do it all the time. But then when things went bad, I think their sex life disappeared. So if we are looking at the marriage as a whole, not good, but if we limit it to only the period when they were actually having sex, great!

      On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 1:57 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. I hate Jab Tak Hain Jaan but in my opinion SRK and Katrina had the best sex. It must be good if they keep doing it all the time and all over the London! Also she is fulfilling her fantasies of being with nice poorer guy, after having known only those full of themselfes rich guys.

    Worst: KANK and RNBDJ (Dev has so many issueas and Suri doesn’t looks like an experienced guy)

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    • But they have no chemistry in JTHJ! Maybe that is also a weird point in favor? If they have no chemistry with each other, and they are doing it in cold hard uncomfortable places, it must be amazing.

      I’m worried about the KANK couple once sex is a daily thing. Feels like Dev is gonna get selfish and weird about it pretty quick, right? And Rani’s sex drive is gonna die away. And then I refer you to my MDK fanfic that I just wrote for what will happen.

      On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 9:52 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • Perhaps a sexually explicit alternate version would be Anushka comforting SRK after the 10 years later break up, they have sex, and SRK realizes he is just really really good at sex and really really likes it, and it wasn’t Kat at all, it was just the awesome sex which he can have with any woman.

          On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 10:13 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  4. I don’t buy the no-chemistry between Shah and Kat…in my feeling, they made a good pairing with exactly transporting their character traits…I clearly belong to those who love this movie, who love the kisses, the way they have sex, the odd religious plot…I don’t get bored to watch it again and again…and Kat is playing the woman she has to play rather convincingly. I also belong to those who believed in that “they were meant to learn what love does mean”…

    Anushka’s role when playing opposite ShahRukh, is always to make him discover something in himself…a certain courage to give in to what love makes so special, to commit to it.
    Rani’s role is another…more sensual-sexual-erotic, be it KKHH, K3G, Paheli, ChalteChalte, KANK.
    Deepika is kind of ‘superior’ to him, with a convincing grace. Kajol is his soul mate whatever their issues may be…oups…that’s not the subject here…*blush*

    Liked by 2 people

    • I like your feeling about Anushka. I agree, and I think it goes back to their first film. Anushka was cast in Rab Ne to be the strong confident younger woman who would get Shahrukh out of his comfort zone. It was her first film, so the character was closely related to who she was in reality. And I think that is why it keeps being similar every time they act together, Anushka’s onscreen presence and best characters are when she is strong and confident and unafraid of breaking convention. Shahrukh’s characters opposite her are the ones who are trying to learn to break free of the roles they have set for themselves, and Anushka serves as the catalyst to help them blossom.

      On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 11:39 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • I am with Claudia on this one. I haven’t seen JTHJ recently, but I did rewatch it a while back after reading some of the negative reviews and people’s reaction to it. It is ridiculously implausible, OTT, and yet oddly very enjoyable! Also, it felt like such a throwback to some of Yash Chopra’s earlier works with the brooding hero, the raw heartache and longing, the romance, complicated but interesting heroines. And in terms of the sex, even if it may not have been objectively the best they don’t know any better, and I think to them, it is probably the most fulfilling, emotional, and magical.

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        • Well, if we are going on the “was the sex fulfilling emotional and magical for the characters” scale, than nothing matters!

          I have not been able to make myself rewatch JTHJ straight through, maybe I will feel differently but I think not. I just found SRK’s young face too distracting, Kat’s illogic and out of character costuming too irritating, and I liked Anushka too much.

          More importantly, if you compare the enjoyment levels of JTHJ couple versus Chalte-Chalte, Paheli, etc, couples, who is higher?

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          • Definitely K3G for the win! They are my favorite couple and I think they have the most fun, loving sex.

            Probabaly Paheli next because… well ghost sex. But I would place JTHJ please close after that.

            Chalte Chalte I would likely be next. I hate them as a couple and really wish they had not gotten back together. But I bet they probabaly had some decent angry/ make up sex.

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          • I like K3G because we get to see their first time (essentially) with the Bangles scene. And then we swing back to them 10 years later to find Kajol being aggressive and confident with sexytimes after being so nervous and lost the first time. And we can fill in an unbroken 10 years streak of great sex, so great that Kajol always wants more.

            I should maybe do a post of “movies where the film didn’t explicitly say they were just together for the sex, but come on, we can tell they were just together for the sex”. Chalte Chalte, Alaipayuthay/Saathiya, what else?

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          • hmmm. . . the first movie I can think of is Shaadi Ke Side Effects. Farhan is a jerk but they seemed to have some goood sex! Maybe HTHS because why the heck else would Madhuri stay with SRK in that one?! Tamasha?

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          • Blech, Tamasha! I think for sure an unspoken part of the plot is that sex with vacation Ranbir was amazing and Dips keeps looking for that and not finding it with regular Ranbir.

            I remembered right after my comment, Manmarziyaan! That whole movie is about awesome amazing sex with World’s Worst Boyfriend, versus really boring bad sex with World’s Best Husband.

            On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 1:48 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. I pretty much agree with your rankings. I think that HTHS sex would have been fire after they figure things out. Maybe around the same level as K3G sex. Hoping JHMS features in the other Shah Rukh sex V-day posts!

    Like

    • I am considering a special “let’s talk sex in JHMS” post. I’ll probably do it, you know I love writing JHMS posts.

      On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 1:33 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      Liked by 1 person

  6. Am I the only one who thinks Rahul and Anjali sex in K3G may not be that good because of his problems with the parents? Yes, the deleted scene is cute, but would you like to have sex in a room with that enormous family portrait on the wall? Maybe that’s why she lighted all those candles in the living room, to divert Rahul’s attention and to cover Yash Raichand’s judgmental stare ๐Ÿ˜‰

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    • Counterpoint, maybe the reason Kajol is so sexually aggressive is because it is the only thing that makes Shahrukh forget his parents? He is drippy and stressed and boring and sad and responsible all day, but if she can get him to feel sexy, suddenly he forgets everything else and focuses on her. Because the sex is just that good.

      On Thu, Feb 13, 2020 at 3:12 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      Liked by 1 person

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