Koffee With Karan! Best Quotes!

Internet Piracy for the win!!!!  Stupid Hotstar.com, the legal website, won’t accept payment from outside India, even using a credit card.  So I hunted and googled and got ten minutes into one video that was pulled literally as I was watching it, and finally a found a deep dark place that had a high quality version available which lasted long enough for me to see the whole show.

I loooooooooove watching Karan and Shahrukh interviews!  Karan is just the funnest interviewer, and Shahrukh is the funnest interviewee.  Of course, the all time best is is Karan-Kajol-Shahrukh interviews, talking over each other and kidding each other and not allowing each other to get away with anything.  But just Karan and Shahrukh is pretty good.  Oh, and Alia is there too.

I highly recommend, if you are in India or have an Indian based credit card, paying the 199 rupees to stream the episode.  And if not, I wish you luck on your own epic quest through the highways and biways (sp?) of the internet!  I’m not going to bother giving you links, because within a few minutes they are all going to be out of date.

(I am heartbroken that they are apparently no longer using this music video)

The whole episode is over an hour long, and I can’t possibly transcribe as fast as Shahrukh talks, and I am sure I am forgetting bits.  But here are the parts I remember and really liked!

First, Karan takes Shahrukh shopping!  Like, the way my Mom took me when I was ten!  Karan started this story, about “you know what really embarrasses Shahrukh is when I take him shopping.”  And then they traded back and forth and back and forth the way old friends do talking about what happens.

See, Karan, in his role as director or stylist or friend would take Shahrukh to a store.  And walk him into the dressing room, hand him something, close the curtain, then make him come out and show him, and ASK STRANGERS WHAT THEY THOUGHT!!!  Ugh, I’m with Shahrukh!  So embarrassing!


I also love Shahrukh’s extreme embarrassment at the beginning when Karan is asking Alia about her love life.  Especially when Karan says something about all the rumors that she has 3-4 boyfriends.  Shahrukh says something about how he hopes not!  Karan clarifies he doesn’t mean 3-4 at once, and Alia says yes 3-4, she is 23, that sounds about right.  Shahrukh is shocked!  He doesn’t think even over time a girl should have that many boyfriends!  At one point, he announces he is just going to hide behind the coffee cup because he is blushing so much.


I also love Karan and Shahrukh’s little byplay about how Shahrukh wasn’t the season opener last year, which meant that Karan had to field a million questions about whether they weren’t close any more.  And Shahrukh pointed out “I have to constantly prove my patriotism, you have to prove you love me!”  Karan “Exactly!”  Shahrukh “Perhaps we should just release that picture of us kissing?  Or the nude shots?”  And then he kept going, suggesting “or our wedding photos?  Would that work, just tell them we are married and we fight like all couples?”  Oh Shahrukh, how you taunt us!  I would LOVE to see you and Karan nudes!

Image result for maya memsaab shahrukh(Of course there are nude photos of Shahrukh in existence.  We all know this, right?  He did a sex scene in Maya Memsaab, they edited it down to just the moment he loses his pants in the final version, but these stills have been floating around forever)

Oh, and then Shahrukh said something interesting about how he isn’t happy in life, because he thinks he is too smart to be happy, and he wants to always do better.  How he thinks he hasn’t yet made those 5 films that are classics that he wants at the end of his career.  And he has now finished the first 25 years, it is time to think about what he wants to accomplish in the next 25.  Blah Blah Blah, but these deep career discussions are NOT why I watch Koffee!


Rapid fire!  My favorite Alia part: Question: “Who in the industry would you call Miss Congeniality?”  “Kareena Kapoor”  To which both Karan and Shahrukh say in concert “REALLY?  Kareena?”  and she says “Kareena, right?  The one everyone likes” “No!  Miss Congeniality is the one who is nice to everyone, very polite.”  “Oh!  NOT Kareena!  Oh, I have to change my answer!”  Ha!  I love the general shock at the idea of Kareena ever being nice to people!


My Favorite Shahrukh Rapid Fire part: When he answers as Alia!  And NAILS it!  Alia also had to answer as Shahrukh, and she did a good job, but Shahrukh was amazing as Alia!  Oh, and also when he had to give a pick up line, and he has the dorkiest stupidest pick-up line ever! “F— me if I’m wrong, but is your name Madhoshi?”  To which everyone just stared and went “huh?”  And then he had to explain “yes, because, see, if her name isn’t Madhoshi, then….”  And Alia pointed out, “What if her name really is Madhoshi?  Or what if she just lies that it is?  how would you know?”  And Shahrukh didn’t really have a good answer.

Basically, this is a line that sounds great when you are a teenage boy talking about it with your friends, but is a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE LINE in the real world.  Which just confirms for me that Shahrukh has never picked up a woman, just shyly asked Gauri to go out for a coke at age 18 and stopped trying.  Because of course, I think we can all agree that the greatest pick-up line of all time is “Hi, I’m Shahrukh Khan.”  Well, maybe a close second after “Hi, I’m Elvis.”  Or, “Hi, I’m John Kennedy.”


Moment not to be missed: Shahrukh reading a recipe for butter chicken as though he was mid-orgasm.


Oh, and I really liked right at the end, when Karan puts in a big plug that we should all go see Dear Zindagi.  And Shahrukh says “that’s really sweet of you, for something who’s got nothing to do with the film at all” (Karan is co-producing it).

33 thoughts on “Koffee With Karan! Best Quotes!

  1. I thought the previous series of KWK I saw on YouTube were official through Star TV. Not sure they are there anymore 😦

    Fingers crossed Series 5 turns up somewhere we can see watch it.


    • I’ve run into that before, I think Star posts and then pulls youtube videos on some sort of complex marketing schedule. It will be there, and then a few months later it won’t be there. Maybe there is a brief moment of delay between when it is for pay on their channel and out on DVD or something?


  2. I checked the time difference and totally stalked the internet (Daily Motion posters FTW!) to watch this asap. All three looked great in their suits! I think SRK’s advice for Alia about not being too good too soon and embracing being bad in and failing in something was really kind of profound. I also felt icky along with Karan when he said Alia should star in 50 Shades with him. No way that SRK could ever pull off being a Christian Grey type…for all of his romantic cred, he could never pull off that level of carnality, don’t you think? For the record, I hate 50 Shades, but I wouldn’t mind Hrithik and Deepika in a Bollywood variation…

    PS I’m re-watching Main Hoon Na for the first time in years and forgot how much I loved SRK in this one and how genuiniely funny it is. But I’ve always found the songs in this one so disappointing and Fayed Khan is so terrible.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw, I’ve got a soft spot for Zayed!

      For SRK as Christian Grey, I think he couldn’t do it just because he wouldn’t be comfortable with that kind of explicit sexuality. Which is probably why he landed on Alia as an answer! Because it is so inappropriate, it just kind of shuts down discussion as anything beyond a joke.

      On the other hand, I do think SRK actually could pull off Christian Grey in terms of his energy on screen, his Don and Duplicate and KANK performances, to me, came pretty close to that kind of dangerous sexy vibe.


      • I meant Zayed, of course, but I think I equate him and Fardeen!

        Good argument for SRK in 50 Shades…I haven’t watched any of those in a while and prefer my SRK a bit more decontextualized when it comes to the sexy times…in theory, sure, he’s hot and he usually has really good romantic chemistry with his heroines, but I do think that his personal comfort level (and devotion to Gauri) make it hard for him to contemplate those kind of roles.

        It’s true of so many of the big actors of his generation though, I think…they have that asexual vibe in even their most romantic roles…I mean I hardly ever think of Aamir, Salman, SRK, Saif or Akshay as sex on a stick. And as much as I hate to admit it Hrithik, too. And of the newer batch, Shahid, Imran, Sid, and Varun are the same. They’re all appealing in their own way, but, in my mind the only actors who consistently bring the “dangerous” and “edgy” sexy vibe are actors like Ajay, Randeep, Ranveer, Arjun Rampal, and sometimes Arjun Kapoor and Ranbir Kapoor. I am discovering through watching some of his old movies that Amitabh really kind of invented the “dangerous” sexy thing in the Bollywood context.

        Anyway, I’ve clearly given this all way too much fault!


        • I don’t think it’s possible to give it too much thought! Level and quality of sexiness of male stars is enormously important.

          I think, talking at the “edgy” versus “safe”, it also goes back to the idea of falling in love as a coming of age ritual. I gave a talk on this a few years back, how if you look at marriage as the one true societal sign of adulthood, than all these romances become bildungsromans. So the hero has to start out shallow and childish and feckless. So that he can grow over the course of the film, inspired by his love and commitment and responsibility towards his heroine. Even Chennai Express did this, making Shahrukh into a 40 year old who never quite grew up.

          But in contrast, the action movies don’t need to follow this format. They can have a “man” right from the start.

          Oh, and if you want to see really old school “dangerous” sexy, check out the swimsuit scene in Awara! Nargis begging Raj Kapoor to hit her, all kinds of dangerous sexual dynamics there. Onscreen and off!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Hmmm…I think I saw Awara a while ago and don’t remember this scene…must go back to it. Did see Chori Chori recently and they do have a simmering and classic chemistry. Though I prefer the Ajay/Rani Chori Chori (see above posts about dangerous sexiness:)…even in the cheesiest of Mills & Boon Bolly romances, Ajay does it for me).

            You’re absolutely right about the Bollywood romance as coming-of-age trope. There are hardly any true grown-up romances in Bollywood (and if there are they’re really understated (Piku) or tragic as hell (D-Day).

            Liked by 1 person

          • If you want a really grown up romance, pyar main twist is really interesting. The movie is just so-so over all, but the idea of two widowed parents of grown children falling in love is so original.

            And here is the Awara scene I was thinking of, so you don’t have to hunt for it!


  3. Thanks for the teasers–I’m off to find a link. Very cheeky of you to post a Maya Memsaab shot. 🙂 Not even just about nudes, but I think it must be surreal to have access to so many photos of oneself, from every angle, flattering and not flattering. Like when he was doing FAN promotions in front of that wall of stills from every YashRaj film he’s been in. Is it surreal, or does one just get numb to one’s own image?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Speaking of Fan, there were those couple moments when he looked at his face in the mirror, and sort of stretched and tested it. That felt real to me, like he was treating it as an instrument, a tool, something separate from himself that he needed to use. I wonder if that’s how it feels when your face is everywhere? Shahrukh, Cindy Crawford, all those people. Your face is no longer a symbol of your “self”, but just something that can be used.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve always wondered what it is like to be randomly surfing on tv and suddenly see yourself, years younger. It happens to all of them, all the time. Here and there. Those scenes in FAN are brilliant. Not only do we see him contemplating his own face as an instrument we also see him contemplating his own aging.


  4. Finally had a chance to sit down and watch the whole episode. OMG, I didn’t think Alia and SRK together would be so much fun! I really liked Karan’s addition of the Ellen challenges — asking the to act reading a recipe or cricket game. Brilliant. I thought both did well imitating as the other, but what will go down in history is the orgasm by butter chicken.


    • Yeah, I really liked them together! I know logically it is just a chemistry trial for the audience, to give us an idea of how they interact so we can carry that over to their characters in their film. But I hope it was at least a little real as well. If nothing else, he really has known her since she was a baby. He was in Chaahat, directed by her father and co-starring her big sister, in 1996, probably filming in 1995 when she was two years old. And then worked with her Dad again in Duplicate in 1998, when she would have been 4.

      Liked by 1 person

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  16. (oh God, the butter chicken recipe! Holy mother of God, the butter chicken recipe.)
    Now that I have got that out of the way, I also liked the “stop stalking your daughter, Shah Rukh” bit. They mentioned it a little bit in the Season 2 Farah/Shah Rukh episode, how Shah Rukh would call Aryan every five minutes and the kid wouldn’t pick up.
    The way they talked about it, it seemed to me like Suhana probably complains to uncle Karan about dad “being overprotective again, can’t you distract him with a script or something, please uncle Karan”
    I just love that relationship!

    P.S> Have you ever done a breakdown or article about the Kajol/Shah Rukh/Karan interview with Rajeev Masand before MNIK? That’s a really fantastic interview.


    • I don’t think I’ve even watched the Rajeev Masand interview! I’ve seen maybe a couple of bits, but not the whole thing.

      This really was a good show, the Alia-Shahrukh interview. I think it was just the right chemistry of two old friends (Karan and Shahrukh) with a new ingredient to shake things up.

      On Wed, Apr 22, 2020 at 12:45 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



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