Silly Sunday: Knitting Fanfic!!! In Honor of Visiting My Sister (Including Shahrukh Sexy Sweater Story)

Happy Sunday!  Much later than usual.  Because I am visiting my sister and I was busy learning how to crochet and stuff.  Which brings me to this post!  In honor of my sister industriously knitting away next to me, and our conversation on the TGIF post of the lack of nice handmade sweaters in the world, a knitting themed fanfic post!!!!

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Judwaa 2 Review (SPOILERS): Salman Steals the Film

The mere fact of Salman being in this film isn’t a spoiler, right?  That’s been so heavily promoted that you can’t escape it?  The exact manner of his appearance has not been promoted, but I’ll tell you that.  The rest of the plot, definitely spoilers.  Yes, even if you have seen the original. (review of the original Judwaa here and no spoiler review of Judwaa 2 here)

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I Skipped Baadshaho and Watched Judwaa Instead. I Am a GENIUS!

Truly, one of the all time best decisions of my life, right up there with the time I realized I could mix peanut butter and chocolate syrup together before I put it on the ice cream.  I got to have a lovely evening on my couch with 90s happiness, instead of a dull evening in the movie theaters with 2000s angst and macho.

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Silly Sunday Speculative Post: Rocky Movies! For No Particular Reason

I looooooooove the Rocky movies.  I came to them late, my father had me watch the first one with him when I was a kid, but then I really got into them in college.  It was after my Indian period had started, but the Rocky series was one of the few American products that I could still enjoy.  I don’t necessarily want them to be remade, because they are so perfect already, but it’s kind of a fun thought experiment anyway!

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Happy Friday the 13th! To Celebrate This Ominous Day, The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

Really, this isn’t fair, it’s a tie between this movie and The Fog With Irfaan Khan.  But I don’t remember The Fog With Irfaan Khan as well, so you have to be contented with just Bal Brahmachari.

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Hindi Film 101: Kapoor Family Part III, The Randhir Branch, Karisma and Kareena and Babita

Okay, I was thinking this would be a nice easy starting point for my new Hindi Film 101 series, and it is taking FOREVER.  But I’m glad I’m doing it this way, because each of these branches and generations really needs their own focus area.  And (hopefully) it will make it easier for you to refer back to them (part 1 with Prithviraj, Shammi, and Shashi here, part 2 with Raj and Nargis here)

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Happy Birthday Salman! Here Are My Favorite of Your Jodis!

The celebration continues!  I’ve done hair (very important) and film performances, now it’s time for film partnerships!  One of the things I love about Salman is how he is willing to step back and let his co-stars shine if it is better for the narrative.  And so he has helped to create one half of some all time great “jodi”s.

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Will Salman now get married?

(Image above from santabanta.com)

So, Salman’s appeal was approved!  He has been cleared on manslaughter charges in the 2002 reckless driving case.  A triumph for something, certainly, if not exactly justice.

Now, I could talk about the issues with the court system in India, the price of fame and the power of money, whether punishment or reform is the purpose of the criminal justice system, and so on and so on, but I don’t really care about all that.

No, much more important, is: will Salman now, finally, get married? He has claimed for years that he wants to get married, only he couldn’t think about it with this court case hanging over him.  Now that it has been resolved, time to place your bets!

This isn’t to say that I actually believe Salman has been putting off marriage because of jail.  After all, Sanjay got married twice while waiting for his charges to resolve!  But it was certainly a convenient excuse for Salman to pull out for the past 12 years every time things started to get serious.

Lulia Ventur is where Times of India is putting its money.  Eastern European, been seen with him for years, he said something in a interview a few months ago about a family tradition of marrying outside his culture, and supposedly he bought her a house.

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However, on the downside, she may already have a husband.  I am sure a lawyer who can get a manslaughter charge to go away could also disappear an inconvenient husband.  Again, though, it worked for Sanjay (his current wife may have been only about 75% divorced at the time of their wedding).

But I say, why not think outside the box!  For example, Sangeeta Bijlani, Salman’s very first documented girlfriend.  A former Miss India and a movie star, they dated back in the early 90s when both their careers were on the upswing.  They broke up for unclear reasons (possibly he was cheating, possibly she just wanted to be married and he wasn’t ready), and she went on to marry Mohammad Azharuddin, the Muslim Captain of the Indian Cricket team who was banned from playing thanks to a match-fixing scandal.  Apparently, her type is Muslims-at-the-top-of-their-profession-who-become-targets-for-possibly-too-extreme-punishments.  Also, Emraan Hashmi is playing her husband in the upcoming biopic Azhar (lucky him!  Emraan will make him even hotter than he was in real life).  She is being played by Nargis Fakhri (poor her).

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Now, Sangeeta got divorced back in 2010, so she is on the market again.  She has stayed friendly with Salman, even visited him just now to congratulate him on getting off the charges.  Is this the beginning of a campaign?  One of those reminders that all the reasons they broke up in the first place now longer matter?  I like the idea of someone age appropriate, someone with history with him.  It would be sweet, like those high school sweethearts that reunite decades later!

After Sangeeta, of course, came Aish.  Can you imagine the scandal if they got back together?  It would be the biggest thing since ever!  Frankly, I don’t know if the industry could survive, the camps would become so hard drawn it would be impossible to actually put together enough of a crew to get a film made.  But even if it led to the end of Indian film as we know it, the scandal would be so juicy, it would almost be worth it!  It even almost makes sense, the Bachchan’s certainly keep Aish on a tight leash, whereas the Khans let their daughter-in-law’s do whatever they want!

Plus, while Abhishek has a better family, Salman is the better catch just for himself.  And, as Aaradhya’s mother, she’s got a lifetime connection to the Bachchan’s whether or not the marriage lasts.  I could see Aish taking a calculated risk, and she definitely seems like the one-that-got-away for Salman, who would take her back in a heartbeat!  Especially if she managed to play into his savior complex!

Speaking of scandal, what about Kat?  What if she still loves Salman and only moved on to Ranbir because she thought he would never be ready to be married?  Plus, Salman’s family looooooooooves her and the Kapoors, apparently, do not.  Ranbir actually moved out of his family home to live with her, which is a pretty big sign, considering no man in his family has moved out of that house in the past 60 years.  But can you imagine the end of Kuch Kuch playing out in real life, but with Salman playing Shahrukh, Kat playing Kajol, and Ranbir playing Salman?

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But then there is my dream relationship.  What if Salman sincerely didn’t want to get married until the court case was settled?  What if he has been secretly hiding emotions in his heart for a long-time friend and, now that the sword hanging over his head is lifted, he will rush to her side, finally confess his emotions, and the music will swirl and they will be on a mountaintop!  So, stick with me on this:

What if he has been in love with Karisma Kapoor for the past two decades?

Picture it: they meet on the set of Nishchaiy (1992) for the first time as semi-adults.  She is just barely 18, he is dating Sangeeta.  They become friends, more than that, he becomes her protector and defender onset and off (all of this so far is more or less true).  He breaks up with Sangeeta a few years later, but by then Karisma is old enough to date and has started a relationship with Ajay Devgn.  She breaks up with him, he moves on to Kajol, and meanwhile Salman is sewing his wild oats.  Right when he is ready to get serious again, Karisma starts dating and becomes engaged to Abhishek Bachchan.  Salman, around the same time, starts a serious relationship with Aish.  Abhishek dumps Karisma weeks before the wedding.  Meanwhile, Salman and Aish’s relationship implodes.  Karisma has already moved on and started dating Sanjay Kapur, heir to a wealthy Delhi family, known for his polo playing and his drug charges.  Salman starts dating 19 year old Katrina Kaif.  Karisma’s marriage quickly turns into disaster.  After two children, she returns to Bombay, where she is quickly welcomed back by her old friend, Salman Khan, who breaks up with Katrina around the same time.

So, all of the above is actually true and accurate, but imagine this interpretation.  What if Salman has been in love with her for years?  What if, in my lovely fanfic, Sangeeta broke up with him because she could sense he was in love with someone else, but by then Karisma was already with someone.  What if he started dating Aish in a desperate attempt to forget Karisma and Abhishek’s relationship?  What if Aish figured it out and confronted him, thus leading to the massive nervous breakdown that caused the very manslaughter accusation of which he was just exonerated?  What if, never having recovered from having been rejected for Karisma, Aish’s whole marriage to Abhishek is just some obscure form of revenge, by getting the one man Karisma couldn’t get in revenge for her taking the one man she wanted?

What if Salman has been quietly waiting for Karisma to work through the last tangles of her marriage, afraid to speak his mind while she was still technically another man’s and while the threat of jail hung over his head?  What if the music swells and they look in each other’s eyes, and suddenly….

 

Okay, so I know this is mostly me being crazy and reading too many romance novels, but after surviving her parents’ very public separation, supporting her whole family as a teenager, then being dumped by her first boyfriend, jilted by her fiance, and destroyed by her husband, I just want Karisma to be happy!  And what could be better than to marry the one man with the power, fame, and, frankly, terrifying insane temper, to make all of that go away?