Vidya Balan Kidney Stones! (Happy New Year)

So, according to this, Vidya and her husband (UTV/Disney head Siddharth Kapoor, brother of Aditya Roy Kapoor) were on their way to an undisclosed location, actually on board a plane ready to take off, when she experienced such intense pain that the paramedics were called and she was taken off the flight.  So she will be spending the New Year in bed, in a hospital, waiting out kidney stones.  But is this her worst New Year’s Day?  Let’s look back at Vidya’s past few years and decide!

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Dilwale Full plot, spoilers all over the place, total summary: Part 6, second to last

(part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)

So, I have a strange ability to remember every detail of a movie after I have seen it once.  And I’ve seen Dilwale 4 times (so far).  So I am sharing my gift with the world, and going through the WHOLE THING in exhaustive detail for anyone who cannot see it in theaters for any reason.  But if you can see it in theaters, don’t read this!  Or at least, don’t read it until you’ve already seen it once!  Or, read it and then see it anyway!  It’s a good movie, and if you watch it in theaters with a full audience, it can become a great movie!

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OKKanmani: Saathiya Redux? Or Ekk Deewana Tha?

So, Dharma productions/Karan Johar just announced that they will be remaking Mani Ratnam’s OK Kanmani, to be directed by Shaad Ali and starring Aditya Roy Kapoor and Shraddha Kapoor.  I am very excited!

I love Ratnam remakes, because it means with get Rahman songs we already love, but redone with lyrics we can understand (Gulzar is doing the Hindi lyrics, so you know they will be awesome!).  And this one looks like it might actually turn out as well as its soundtrack!  My hope is, as well as the last time Shaad Ali remade Ratnam, Saathiya, which is one of my favorite movies.

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Dilwale continues to climb at the Overseas Box Office

And only like $200 of that is due to me!  According to bollywoodhungama, Dilwale is now at #7.  It is coming up fast on Chennai Express, at #6, and My Name is Khan at #5.  Remember also, Chennai Express ran for a full 6 weeks overseas, and Dilwale hasn’t even crossed the 2 week mark yet.

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Dilwale Full Summary, All Spoilers! Part 5

The slog continues!  I hope to get past the Interval by the end of this post, with any luck I can finish the whole thing by the New Year.  Or at least, by not too far into the New Year. (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
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Rumors and Gossip: Karan to launch SRK’s son?

Okay, so that headline is total clickbait.  But it is based on an actual article in rediff!  That is also total clickbait.  It’s just Karan saying that Shahrukh’s family is his family, and he has called dibs on launching Aryan as his right as an uncle.  Actually, I am picturing a very loving battle over that between Karan and Adi, when the time comes.  With Farhan raising his hand briefly and then getting shouted down and thrown out of the house.  Perhaps another Dharma/Yash Raj co-production would satisfy all involved? With Red Chillies and Ajay Devgan FFilms providing funding? (I am taking it as a given that Aryan will be launched opposite Nyssa.  Also, that’s not a typo, Ajay spells it with two fs).

For a reminder of all the various other star teenagers waiting in the wings to be launched, Times of India has provided a handy slide-show.  Nyssa is not included, because she is in an awkward phase right now (looks just like her mother did at this age, see photo above), and because Ajay would probably storm the Times of India headquarters if they printed a picture of his little girl.

Salman Khan-Ghostbuster? And other news stories

According to Times of India, there was  ghost sighted on the set of Sultan and Salman solved the problem.  No, he did not strap on a Proton Pack and take it out.  He just invited the crew member who saw the ghost to stay with Salman for the remainder of the shoot.  Which, actually, is also how my parents solved it when I saw ghosts in my childhood bedroom.

Speaking of Ghostbusters and Salman Khan, apparently there was a rumor I didn’t even know about suggesting the three Khans could be in a Ghostbusters remake together.  Which I would love!  Let’s do it!  But says it isn’t happening because Salman says the dates would be impossible.  Which is probably true, but at least let us dream, Salman!  (also, does the dismissive way he suggests Saif would probably be available for anything perhaps relate back to that older story about a coolness between them?)

Oh, and Hrithik went skiing with his kids in Switzerland.  Which doesn’t fit the ghost-theme of this post, but is cute.

Fitoor First Look: Disney Prince!

So, first look for Fitoor released, and Aditya Roy Kapoor looks like a prince!  Which is appropriate, because it is being produced by UTV/Disney.  It looks like it might be another one of the movies that Disney is a little more actively involved with (like ABCD2 and Khoobsurat), trying to put that Disney fairy tale stamp on it.  Plus, of course, the head of UTV/Disney is Aditya’s big brother, so if anyone is going to be the pretty pretty Prince in this, it will be Aditya.

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Why the Hungama about Rishi Kapoor and Dimple?

So, big twitter news in India, summarized here, Rishi Kapoor tweeted birthday wishes to Twinkle Khanna yesterday, saying “Happy birthday dear one!  You were in your mums tummy when I was serenading her in Bobby”Aksar Koi Ladka” In 1973 lol.”

Today he clarified with a tweet saying “Kakaji-Dimple married in March’73. Bobby released Sept 28th ’73. Twinkle born 29th Dec ’73.This clarification should rest some of the idiots”

The first tweet was kind of a creepy-uncle thing to say, but why did the Indian press lose their collective minds over it?  Read on to find out!

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Dilwale: Full plot synopsis! Part 4

In case you are wondering, no, I don’t have a bootleg copy or anything.  This is all based on memory from the 3 times I have seen it in theaters (so far).  I have jettisoned vast amounts of mental materials (for instance, the names of everybody I knew in elementary school including my teachers) in order to make brain space for every second of every movie I have ever watched in my entire life.  Very useful in grad school for cinema studies; not that useful in real life. (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)

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DDLJ in text form

So, my sister is stuck on an Air India plane waiting for the weather to clear so they can take off, but luckily there is a whole “Shahrukh Khan Channel” available for in flight entertainment.  Which means she is sitting there texting me DDLJ updates as she waits.  Here is our conversation.  If you are a real SRKajol fan, you should be able to follow along:

Sister: Watching ddlj while plane de-ices.  Metaphor?

Me: No, Hum tum would be a metaphor

Sister: Currently at ruk ja o dil deewana

Sister: Squirty flower!

Sister: Sleeping in barn!

Me: Have they tried making the plane drink alcohol to warm up?

Sister: Not yet.  For one thing, this guy in a rugby outfit keeps racing it down the runway.

Sister: “And after this, nothing can go wrong” [Snow]

Sister: Swimming pool!

Sister: Hug!

Me: kuch kuch hota hai?

Sister: DDLJ…..Oh, I see

Sister: Palat

Sister: No, I won’t come to your wedding

Sister: However, you are falling in love, dear!

Sister: He tucked in his shirt all the way

Sister: Cowbell!

Sister: Farida Jalal!  Crying!

Sister: Tujhe Dekha

Sister: Bad hair

Me: Stroh’s Beer?

Sister: A small bell!

Sister: Handholding

Me: But it’s the wrong girl!

Sister: I know!

Sister: Mehndi!

Sister: Wink!

Sister: the jewelry! I can’t bear it!

Sister: wedding preponed!

Me: should she trust him?

Sister : yes

Sister: the photo!

Sister: and we’re off!

And then I guess the plane finally took off and my sister had to shut off her phone. But I am on tenterhooks! Will this be the one time that Bauji doesn’t forgive her?  Will Shahrukh get ride the train all by himself?  Maybe I should watch it straight through myself, just for reassurance.


(okay, the Bad Hair one may be controversial.  But can you really look at the image below and call it good hair?)



Dilwale Box Office: Was this all part of a master plan?

So, just posted an analysis of the second weekend Dilwale numbers.  They see the limp box office for Dilwale and good word of mouth for Bajirao as a sign that Shahrukh should take a moment and think about doing something a little different, instead of just relying on his star quality to carry the picture, because the audience is obviously tired of the same old thing.  I agree with their analysis of the box office numbers and all, but I think they are missing the bigger picture.  Maybe Dilwale released when it did BECAUSE he wants to different films, and needed to rush a traditional one out the door first.

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Salman B-day party: Update

Rediff collected photos that guests tweeted, tumblr’d, facebooked, etc.  Not much to learn here.  Amisha Patel is still desperate to be relevant and show off her breasts.  Salman is super cute with small children.  That’s about it.  But I appreciate celebrities giving up any sense of privacy so I can learn these small things!  Keep those personal photos posted on publicly accessible websites coming!

Dilwale: Full plot synopsis! Part 3

I’ve already covered the first 2o minutes here, and the next bit after that (including the first fight scene!) here.  So, where did I leave off?  Right, Shahrukh is striding towards the camera with Anwar and Shakti falling in behind him and the music pounding out a war beat as the crowd cheers and whistles, marking the true introduction of Shahrukh and the birth of a new Shahrukh Khan character.  Woo! (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)

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Salman’s Birthday Party: Guests and Gossip

So, rediff has now posted their pictures.  Lots of semi-interesting gossip here!  First, Malaika arrives, captioned as “Salman’s Munni Bhabi, as he likes to call her.”  Interesting!  So, Munni is of course a nickname for a small child (like he calls Shahida in Bajrangi Bhaijaan).  Whereas Bhabi is a respectful term for your brother’s, usually your older brother’s, wife.  Malaika is the oldest of the Khan family Bahus, but is not married to the oldest brother.  So Munni Bhabi is kind of a cute compramise.  Plus, it adds a new level to the Munni Badnaam song that Malaika did with him in Dabangg.

Next, Kangana Ranaut.  Who, at least in interviews, pretends to be above and beyond this kind of big industry party.  So, either she is a hypocrite, or she doesn’t want to offend Salman, or she is trying to turn a new leaf and break into the mainstream, which means a lot of networking and face time at things like this.

Genelia and Ritiesh are next, with Genelia protecting her tummy in a way that is not going to help with the pregnancy rumors.  I wish them well!  They are such a cute couple, and their current baby is cute, and I am sure any new baby would be cute also.



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Deepika: How Furious is she?

So, for Christmas, I gave my Dad Furious 7, an excellent movie.  We watched it together Christmas afternoon (my second time, his first), and naturally, I started thinking about Deepika Padukone.  Because, rumor has it, she was offered a role and turned it down for Happy New Year (or Ram-Leela, but the timing makes more sense with Happy New Year filming).

Now, Happy New Year is not the greatest film, and Furious 7 is excellent, but I still think Dips made the right decision.

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Dilwale: Full plot synopsis! Part 2

So, I left off at the song, right?  So, song ends, and Varun gets a bucket of water in his face.  Because he was sleeping leaning against the car in the garage instead of working or even being awake to prevent the theft of a car radio!  Shahrukh chides him gently, Varun is very apologetic, but again, not that scared. (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)

And then cut to the first comedy sequence!  Oh boy!  In one of my earlier reviews I mentioned how these feel like a whole different movie that had been forced on to the original, better, film.  And I am standing by that!

Anyway, here we are in another garage with even more eccentric decorating (a bedazzled skull phone, for instance).  And here is Sanjay Mishra, with unusual hair and an American pop culture t-shirt (I don’t remember what it is in this scene, but I know later it is a very accurate picture of Heath Ledger’s version of the joker.  That kind of thing).  And here is Sidhu!  Varun’s best friend/honorary brother!  He is also the thief that is tormenting their garage!


(this phone)

He and Sanjay Mishra (character name, Oscar Bhai.  Ooo, Christian!  We really are in Goa!) have a conversation about how much money he will pay for the car radio.  I am briefly interested in his comic dialogue stylings.  He uses the sort of rhyming, alliterative style of talk that is part of classical Indian poetry.  Think Jackie Shroff in SLB’s Devdas.  And the last two words of every line are a matching pair of brand names, like “nokia-blackberry.”  So it is kind of a cool combination of classical Indian literature rules, and modern India’s brand obsession.  But after about 2 minutes, the novelty wears off and I am done with this character.

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Dilwale Spoilers: Whole plot revealed!!! Part 1

So, I’ve been trying and trying to avoid spoilers, or warn people off spoilers, but turns out, you all want spoilers!  My spoiler-full posts are getting a lot more readers than my spoiler-free posts.  So I will bow to the wishes of the majority and proceed to spoil the WHOLE THING.  If you want to know, in analytical and descriptive detail, every single thing about Dilwale (up to the first song, at least, the rest to be posted as time allows), continue reading below! (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
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It kind of feels like they had more fun making this than the movie

Thanks to Melanie for this amazing video!  So far, it doesn’t have subtitles, so I have provided a VERY LOOSE translation below.

(if the link doesn’t work for you, try this:

I can’t give it to you word for word, but the general sense of it is that he says he doesn’t think Kajol and Shahrukh are anything special, and gets chased out of the theater.  The guy he meets on the street bonds with him over “Coolie No.1 is just as romantic as DDLJ!” (Coolie No.1 was a comedy movie from the 90s with Govinda and Karisma).  And he invites him to join a “Chi-chi and Lolo” fan club (old nicknames for Govinda and Karisma).  And then gets shot.
On the train, you probably got most of it, they keep telling him to raise the hands again.  Then!  The important bit!
So, Shahrukh and Kajol arrive, Shahrukh corrects him and asks him to call him “Dr. Shahrukh”, and Kajol sticks with “just Kajol”.  Then, in my favorite bit, Kajol’s phone rings, and the ringtone is from a terrible terrible movie she was in with her husband!  Terrible terrible!  I love it, of course, but I have never managed to get anyone else to sit through it.  This is the song they use for the ringtone.  It’s just so cheesy!
And then Kajol answers the phone, and starts giving wife-like directions “did you look in the fridge?  No, third shelf.”  And then switches to cute talk about whose bum is cuter (I love Kajol SO MUCH).
After she hangs up, here is the the dialogue more or less word for word.
Kajol: So tell me, what problem do you have with our jodi?
Jeetu: No problem.  I was just saying that onscreen there are other jodis that seem good.
Shahrukh: There are other good jodis?  You mean (ha) Lolo Chi-chi?
Jeetu: Yes, no, I mean.. John Bipasha?
Shahrukh: Hey, we’re talking about romance!  Not that kind of stuff.
Kajol: Exactly
Jeetu: So, Hrithik Kareena?
Shahrukh: Oh!  Yaaaaaaaa-dein
Kajol: Main Prem ki Diwaaaaaaaaniiii.
Shahrukh: Haha.  Jodi?
Jeetu: Ranveer-Deepika?
Shahrukh: Ranbir?
Kajol: Ranveer
Shahrukh: No, he said Ranbir
Kajol: He said Ranveer!
Shahrukh: Which name did you say?
Jeetu: I don’t know, now I am confused as well.
Shahrukh: Confused teenagers!
Jeetu: Also, Sha-Doctor Sahib and Juhi jodi was very nice.
Shahrukh:  Really?  You liked that?  We were so cute always!
Kajol: What!?!?
Shahrukh: What?!?  That’s what I mean!  What!  What are you saying!  Juhi and my jodi just worked in Eden Gardens [home of Kolkata Knight Riders].  But Kajol and my jodi was good in every garden.  Especially mustard gardens!
Crowd:  You said it, Sir!!!
Jeetu: What is your proof, sir?
Shahrukh: You want proof?  Say it!
Kajol: Which jodis height, weight, and even the skin tone is the same?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Which jodi has had the most free coffee on Koffee with Karan?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh:  Which jodi has peer pressured boys to keep the Karva Chauth fast?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Kajol: Made you run to catch the train?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Who put Switzerland on the world map?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Kajol: Who promoted basketball in India?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Who got the biggest slap from Amrish Puri?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Kajol: [Something about husband and wife?]
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: More popular than the Titanic cast?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol!
Shahrukh: One is to three?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol, Shahrukh Kajol, Shahrukh Kajol!
Shahrukh: And the last question: how many months after the DDLJ release date is your birth date?
Kajol: 9 months?
Shahrukh: 9 months, 20 days, 4 hours.
Kajol: Huh?
Shahrukh: Third show, Maratha Mandir, Uncle-Auntie, that time…?
Kajol: So now tell me, what is the reason you came into this world?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol?
And then the end is just back to the beginning bit, only now Jeetu is the super fan, and his friend is the doubter (or, as the girl in the first bit says, “atheist!”

Merry Christmas!!!

I already posted some Holiday fanvids in my post-Thanksgiving post, but there are more!

(I know it is really a Mithun song, but it just feels right done by SRKelf)

(It’s from 2013, but I am sure they still wish us this year!)

(all I ever wanted was Christmas wishes from Salman Khan and an underwear company!)

(somehow both sexy and festive!)

And how did I not find this channel until today?!?!?  I have wasted my December!!!  I could have watched the video below 24 days ago!


Sadhanaji! Obituary

I though about not posting this today, because it is Christmas, but then I thought a little more, and I realized it isn’t really a sad post at all. Sadhana passed away yesterday, which I learned through Aamir Khan’s twitter.  I have no idea how he found out.  Spies at the hospital?

Anyway, Sadhana sounds like a nice lady who had a pretty nice life, and then died.  Which is a pretty nice epitaph!

(If you feel the need to honor her by watching one of her films, I highly recommend Waqt.  It is very cheerful and Christmas appropriate, lots of family values.)

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Indian Film Celebrates Christmas! (yes, that’s Aamir Khan)

I always enjoy these slideshows.  There is such a random collection of people who choose to celebrate Christmas.  Which is nice, because Christmas is awesome, and anyone who feels like it should celebrate it.  And anyone who doesn’t, shouldn’t have to.  And going by the randomness of these, that seems to be the policy followed by the Indian film fraternity.

(well, it’s mandatory for the Kapoors, who always celebrate with the annual Shashi Kapoor Christmas lunch.  Which is also nice, because Shashi hosts it in honor of his late wife Jennifer, so it isn’t just a random holiday for them, it is a mandatory tribute to a beloved aunt/wife/sister-in-law/mother who started the tradition)

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Ra.One Sequel? Maybe? Or maybe not

So, according to this (thank you Melanie for pointing it out!), Shahrukh just “confirmed” a sequel to Ra.One.  I don’t exactly get a confirmation from the quote they use, I get more of a “yes, I am still interested!” from it.  Which is still exciting, because I am also interested in a sequel!  I loved Ra.One, every big stupid bit of it.

The article goes on to point out the dismal box office profits for Ra.One, to indicate that if this sequel does not happen, it may be for monetary reasons.  However, I disagree, I think if it does go through, it is for monetary reasons.

The thing everyone forgets about Ra.One is that the profits weren’t in the box office, they were in everything else.  And that Shahrukh owned all the rights, and claimed all the profits.  Ra.One was the first Indian film to get a deal with McDonalds happy meals, it had action figures, it had comics, it had a video game, the sale of the TV rights alone practically covered all the production costs.

In this, the season of Star Wars, we must all remember that the money is in the merchandising.