So, I was just scrolling through the headlines on various sites, and a couple of news stories caught my eye.
News Round-up: Chetan Bhagat, Ki and Ka, Snow White, and Box Office
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Bajirao Mastani Synopsis from someone who hated it (Spoilers): Part 1
(part 2 here)
So, I just finished a 7 part summary of Dilwale, with images, references to film history, star personas, the director’s previous work, the deeper meaning of certain lines and acting choices, and what it all might mean in terms of the careers of the stars. Read it! I had a lot of fun with it!
In contrast, Bajirao, eh. I’m guessing I can knock this thing out in like 3 parts. There just isn’t as much there to talk about. I mean, it’s pretty? If you want just the high points, I already put up a bullet point version of the plot. If you want details, and political-historical-social analysis, keep reading. And if you actually really liked this movie, DO NOT READ. I basically rip it to shreds. And if you haven’t seen the movie, PLEASE READ. If you are like me, you will have a lot more fun reading this than you would watching the picture.
Questions about Dilwale Pirates (People who pirate Dilwale, not large-hearted Pirates)
So, for reasons that will remain unspoken, I was google searching “Dilwale Full Movie Video”, and I ran across this news story. And it was just too good to keep to myself! It also brings up certain questions.
Monday morning: Eat your fruits and vegetables!
So remember how I mentioned Shahrukh sexily eating a radish? It occurred to me that this was not the first time he had taken advantage of fruit-and-vegetable based acting techniques. And, as a special Monday morning treat (and a reminder to eat healthier now that the holidays are officially over), here are an assortment of fruit and vegetable SRK moments.
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Dilwale Epilogue-5th time, All Has Become One
So, I just watched Dilwale for the 5th and final time (in theaters). And I think I may have finally come around back to where I was the first time I saw it, when I was just experiencing, not analyzing. Because, after 7 parts and 28 thousand words (or 28 hundred? A lot, is what I’m saying), I have nothing left!
Bajirao Synopsis in bullet points
So, I will be posting a full, detailed (although not as detailed as I did for Dilwale) synopsis over the next few days. But in the meantime, I thought you might enjoy the quick notes I made to remember everything that happened as soon as I got home from the theater. (I say “spoilers”, but I don’t know if these will even make much sense if you haven’t seen the movie yet! Or even if you have) (well, excepting the last one, that’s pretty clear)
10 Reasons Why Bajirao Mastani is un-Indian
When I say “un-Indian”, I don’t mean morally, or politically, or philosophically (although an argument could probably be made for all those aspects as well). I mean, artistically, this film goes against the 102 year history of Indian film.
So, first, I should say that Bajirao is a very well made film. The script is tight, the camera work is amazing, the costumes, sets, jewelry, hair and make-up are all phenomenal. The acting by all three leads is also really really good. I was confident in Deepika going in (post-Piku, she can do no wrong), but nervous about Priyanka and Ranveer. And they ended up being the ones who impressed me most.
But when I talk about “Indian film”, I mean a very specific technical and stylistic standard, with roots going back thousands of years. And this is not an Indian film.
Bajirao, Mughal-E-Azam, and Jodha-Akbar: The evolution of inter-religious romance (Spoilers! for all!)
So, before I finally watched Bajirao in theaters, I re-watched the other big Mughal era historical epics to prep, Mughal-E-Azam and Jodha-Akbar. Of course, I was already in the zone since I had just seen Magadheera, which is about half of an historical epic, and sort of Mughal era-y. And what I discovered, watching all these, is that rather than move forward, these films moved backward in terms of interreligious marriages.
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2015 in quantities: What movies did I watch most?
Everyone in the world is doing “Best of 2015” lists right now. And I get that, it makes sense. But I am incapable of choosing “Bests”! I love all my little movies equally! But what I can do, is remember which movies I watched most in 2015, as it is a quantifiable rather than qualitative decision. So let me count down, 10 to 0.
Dilwale vs Bajirao box office: Did Bajirao stack the deck?
So, this article points out that the gap between Dilwale and Bajirao is biggest in the Bombay box office, and that the Bombay market is usually the biggest profit within India. They also point out, what should have been a “no duh!” sort of thing but which somehow had not occurred to me, that Bajirao is about a famous Maharashtrian, and therefore will do better in Maharashtra than anywhere else.
Trailer report: Neerja, Wazir, Fan, Madhavan!
So, I finished my complete synopsis of Dilwale, but no synopsis can be complete without also discussing, the trailers that set the stage for the film! I saw Dilwale 4 times (so far), and among the various shows, I saw 4 different trailers. For Neerja, Wazir, Fan, and that new Madhavan movie.
Dilwale finale! Full Ending! Complete Synopsis, finally! Obviously Spoilers: Part 7
Finally! After working through 6 parts and almost two hours, we have reached the end of my extremely detailed and specific summary of Dilwale. If you haven’t seen it yet, there are twists through out, so just skipping to the end bit will not make any difference if you want to know what happened. You should probably go back and at least skim all the other parts. Or better yet, see the movie! It should be available in most places by now, and it really is fun to watch on the big screen! (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, and part 6 here)
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Vidya Balan Kidney Stones! (Happy New Year)
So, according to this, Vidya and her husband (UTV/Disney head Siddharth Kapoor, brother of Aditya Roy Kapoor) were on their way to an undisclosed location, actually on board a plane ready to take off, when she experienced such intense pain that the paramedics were called and she was taken off the flight. So she will be spending the New Year in bed, in a hospital, waiting out kidney stones. But is this her worst New Year’s Day? Let’s look back at Vidya’s past few years and decide!
Dilwale Full plot, spoilers all over the place, total summary: Part 6, second to last
(part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
So, I have a strange ability to remember every detail of a movie after I have seen it once. And I’ve seen Dilwale 4 times (so far). So I am sharing my gift with the world, and going through the WHOLE THING in exhaustive detail for anyone who cannot see it in theaters for any reason. But if you can see it in theaters, don’t read this! Or at least, don’t read it until you’ve already seen it once! Or, read it and then see it anyway! It’s a good movie, and if you watch it in theaters with a full audience, it can become a great movie!
OKKanmani: Saathiya Redux? Or Ekk Deewana Tha?
So, Dharma productions/Karan Johar just announced that they will be remaking Mani Ratnam’s OK Kanmani, to be directed by Shaad Ali and starring Aditya Roy Kapoor and Shraddha Kapoor. I am very excited!
I love Ratnam remakes, because it means with get Rahman songs we already love, but redone with lyrics we can understand (Gulzar is doing the Hindi lyrics, so you know they will be awesome!). And this one looks like it might actually turn out as well as its soundtrack! My hope is, as well as the last time Shaad Ali remade Ratnam, Saathiya, which is one of my favorite movies.
Dilwale continues to climb at the Overseas Box Office
And only like $200 of that is due to me! According to bollywoodhungama, Dilwale is now at #7. It is coming up fast on Chennai Express, at #6, and My Name is Khan at #5. Remember also, Chennai Express ran for a full 6 weeks overseas, and Dilwale hasn’t even crossed the 2 week mark yet.
Dilwale Full Summary, All Spoilers! Part 5
Rumors and Gossip: Karan to launch SRK’s son?
Okay, so that headline is total clickbait. But it is based on an actual article in rediff! That is also total clickbait. It’s just Karan saying that Shahrukh’s family is his family, and he has called dibs on launching Aryan as his right as an uncle. Actually, I am picturing a very loving battle over that between Karan and Adi, when the time comes. With Farhan raising his hand briefly and then getting shouted down and thrown out of the house. Perhaps another Dharma/Yash Raj co-production would satisfy all involved? With Red Chillies and Ajay Devgan FFilms providing funding? (I am taking it as a given that Aryan will be launched opposite Nyssa. Also, that’s not a typo, Ajay spells it with two fs).
For a reminder of all the various other star teenagers waiting in the wings to be launched, Times of India has provided a handy slide-show. Nyssa is not included, because she is in an awkward phase right now (looks just like her mother did at this age, see photo above), and because Ajay would probably storm the Times of India headquarters if they printed a picture of his little girl.
Salman Khan-Ghostbuster? And other news stories
According to Times of India, there was ghost sighted on the set of Sultan and Salman solved the problem. No, he did not strap on a Proton Pack and take it out. He just invited the crew member who saw the ghost to stay with Salman for the remainder of the shoot. Which, actually, is also how my parents solved it when I saw ghosts in my childhood bedroom.
Speaking of Ghostbusters and Salman Khan, apparently there was a rumor I didn’t even know about suggesting the three Khans could be in a Ghostbusters remake together. Which I would love! Let’s do it! But Pinkvilla.com says it isn’t happening because Salman says the dates would be impossible. Which is probably true, but at least let us dream, Salman! (also, does the dismissive way he suggests Saif would probably be available for anything perhaps relate back to that older story about a coolness between them?)
Oh, and Hrithik went skiing with his kids in Switzerland. Which doesn’t fit the ghost-theme of this post, but is cute.
Fitoor First Look: Disney Prince!
So, first look for Fitoor released, and Aditya Roy Kapoor looks like a prince! Which is appropriate, because it is being produced by UTV/Disney. It looks like it might be another one of the movies that Disney is a little more actively involved with (like ABCD2 and Khoobsurat), trying to put that Disney fairy tale stamp on it. Plus, of course, the head of UTV/Disney is Aditya’s big brother, so if anyone is going to be the pretty pretty Prince in this, it will be Aditya.
Why the Hungama about Rishi Kapoor and Dimple?
So, big twitter news in India, summarized here, Rishi Kapoor tweeted birthday wishes to Twinkle Khanna yesterday, saying “Happy birthday dear one! You were in your mums tummy when I was serenading her in Bobby”Aksar Koi Ladka” In 1973 lol.”
Today he clarified with a tweet saying “Kakaji-Dimple married in March’73. Bobby released Sept 28th ’73. Twinkle born 29th Dec ’73.This clarification should rest some of the idiots”
The first tweet was kind of a creepy-uncle thing to say, but why did the Indian press lose their collective minds over it? Read on to find out!
Dilwale: Full plot synopsis! Part 4
In case you are wondering, no, I don’t have a bootleg copy or anything. This is all based on memory from the 3 times I have seen it in theaters (so far). I have jettisoned vast amounts of mental materials (for instance, the names of everybody I knew in elementary school including my teachers) in order to make brain space for every second of every movie I have ever watched in my entire life. Very useful in grad school for cinema studies; not that useful in real life. (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
DDLJ in text form
So, my sister is stuck on an Air India plane waiting for the weather to clear so they can take off, but luckily there is a whole “Shahrukh Khan Channel” available for in flight entertainment. Which means she is sitting there texting me DDLJ updates as she waits. Here is our conversation. If you are a real SRKajol fan, you should be able to follow along:
Sister: Watching ddlj while plane de-ices. Metaphor?
Me: No, Hum tum would be a metaphor
Sister: Currently at ruk ja o dil deewana
Sister: Squirty flower!
Sister: Sleeping in barn!
Me: Have they tried making the plane drink alcohol to warm up?
Sister: Not yet. For one thing, this guy in a rugby outfit keeps racing it down the runway.
Sister: “And after this, nothing can go wrong” [Snow]
Sister: Swimming pool!
Sister: Hug!
Me: kuch kuch hota hai?
Sister: DDLJ…..Oh, I see
Sister: Palat
Sister: No, I won’t come to your wedding
Sister: However, you are falling in love, dear!
Sister: He tucked in his shirt all the way
Sister: Cowbell!
Sister: Farida Jalal! Crying!
Sister: Tujhe Dekha
Sister: Bad hair
Me: Stroh’s Beer?
Sister: A small bell!
Sister: Handholding
Me: But it’s the wrong girl!
Sister: I know!
Sister: Mehndi!
Sister: Wink!
Sister: the jewelry! I can’t bear it!
Sister: wedding preponed!
Me: should she trust him?
Sister : yes
Sister: the photo!
Sister: and we’re off!
And then I guess the plane finally took off and my sister had to shut off her phone. But I am on tenterhooks! Will this be the one time that Bauji doesn’t forgive her? Will Shahrukh get ride the train all by himself? Maybe I should watch it straight through myself, just for reassurance.
(okay, the Bad Hair one may be controversial. But can you really look at the image below and call it good hair?)
Dilwale Box Office: Was this all part of a master plan?
So, Bollywoodhungama.com just posted an analysis of the second weekend Dilwale numbers. They see the limp box office for Dilwale and good word of mouth for Bajirao as a sign that Shahrukh should take a moment and think about doing something a little different, instead of just relying on his star quality to carry the picture, because the audience is obviously tired of the same old thing. I agree with their analysis of the box office numbers and all, but I think they are missing the bigger picture. Maybe Dilwale released when it did BECAUSE he wants to different films, and needed to rush a traditional one out the door first.
Salman B-day party: Update
Rediff collected photos that guests tweeted, tumblr’d, facebooked, etc. Not much to learn here. Amisha Patel is still desperate to be relevant and show off her breasts. Salman is super cute with small children. That’s about it. But I appreciate celebrities giving up any sense of privacy so I can learn these small things! Keep those personal photos posted on publicly accessible websites coming!
dontcallitbollywood 