In case you are wondering, no, I don’t have a bootleg copy or anything. This is all based on memory from the 3 times I have seen it in theaters (so far). I have jettisoned vast amounts of mental materials (for instance, the names of everybody I knew in elementary school including my teachers) in order to make brain space for every second of every movie I have ever watched in my entire life. Very useful in grad school for cinema studies; not that useful in real life. (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
So, my sister is stuck on an Air India plane waiting for the weather to clear so they can take off, but luckily there is a whole “Shahrukh Khan Channel” available for in flight entertainment. Which means she is sitting there texting me DDLJ updates as she waits. Here is our conversation. If you are a real SRKajol fan, you should be able to follow along:
Sister: Watching ddlj while plane de-ices. Metaphor?
Me: No, Hum tum would be a metaphor
Sister: Currently at ruk ja o dil deewana
Sister: Squirty flower!
Sister: Sleeping in barn!
Me: Have they tried making the plane drink alcohol to warm up?
Sister: Not yet. For one thing, this guy in a rugby outfit keeps racing it down the runway.
Sister: “And after this, nothing can go wrong” [Snow]
Sister: Swimming pool!
Sister: Hug!
Me: kuch kuch hota hai?
Sister: DDLJ…..Oh, I see
Sister: Palat
Sister: No, I won’t come to your wedding
Sister: However, you are falling in love, dear!
Sister: He tucked in his shirt all the way
Sister: Cowbell!
Sister: Farida Jalal! Crying!
Sister: Tujhe Dekha
Sister: Bad hair
Me: Stroh’s Beer?
Sister: A small bell!
Sister: Handholding
Me: But it’s the wrong girl!
Sister: I know!
Sister: Mehndi!
Sister: Wink!
Sister: the jewelry! I can’t bear it!
Sister: wedding preponed!
Me: should she trust him?
Sister : yes
Sister: the photo!
Sister: and we’re off!
And then I guess the plane finally took off and my sister had to shut off her phone. But I am on tenterhooks! Will this be the one time that Bauji doesn’t forgive her? Will Shahrukh get ride the train all by himself? Maybe I should watch it straight through myself, just for reassurance.
(okay, the Bad Hair one may be controversial. But can you really look at the image below and call it good hair?)
So, Bollywoodhungama.com just posted an analysis of the second weekend Dilwale numbers. They see the limp box office for Dilwale and good word of mouth for Bajirao as a sign that Shahrukh should take a moment and think about doing something a little different, instead of just relying on his star quality to carry the picture, because the audience is obviously tired of the same old thing. I agree with their analysis of the box office numbers and all, but I think they are missing the bigger picture. Maybe Dilwale released when it did BECAUSE he wants to different films, and needed to rush a traditional one out the door first.
Rediff collected photos that guests tweeted, tumblr’d, facebooked, etc. Not much to learn here. Amisha Patel is still desperate to be relevant and show off her breasts. Salman is super cute with small children. That’s about it. But I appreciate celebrities giving up any sense of privacy so I can learn these small things! Keep those personal photos posted on publicly accessible websites coming!
I’ve already covered the first 2o minutes here, and the next bit after that (including the first fight scene!) here. So, where did I leave off? Right, Shahrukh is striding towards the camera with Anwar and Shakti falling in behind him and the music pounding out a war beat as the crowd cheers and whistles, marking the true introduction of Shahrukh and the birth of a new Shahrukh Khan character. Woo! (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
So, rediff has now posted their pictures. Lots of semi-interesting gossip here! First, Malaika arrives, captioned as “Salman’s Munni Bhabi, as he likes to call her.” Interesting! So, Munni is of course a nickname for a small child (like he calls Shahida in Bajrangi Bhaijaan). Whereas Bhabi is a respectful term for your brother’s, usually your older brother’s, wife. Malaika is the oldest of the Khan family Bahus, but is not married to the oldest brother. So Munni Bhabi is kind of a cute compramise. Plus, it adds a new level to the Munni Badnaam song that Malaika did with him in Dabangg.
Next, Kangana Ranaut. Who, at least in interviews, pretends to be above and beyond this kind of big industry party. So, either she is a hypocrite, or she doesn’t want to offend Salman, or she is trying to turn a new leaf and break into the mainstream, which means a lot of networking and face time at things like this.
Genelia and Ritiesh are next, with Genelia protecting her tummy in a way that is not going to help with the pregnancy rumors. I wish them well! They are such a cute couple, and their current baby is cute, and I am sure any new baby would be cute also.
So, for Christmas, I gave my Dad Furious 7, an excellent movie. We watched it together Christmas afternoon (my second time, his first), and naturally, I started thinking about Deepika Padukone. Because, rumor has it, she was offered a role and turned it down for Happy New Year (or Ram-Leela, but the timing makes more sense with Happy New Year filming).
Now, Happy New Year is not the greatest film, and Furious 7 is excellent, but I still think Dips made the right decision.
I was totally right! They did hold back and release it at Christmas! Well, actually, according to the youtube posting date, on Salman’s birthday. But let’s be real here, which is celebrated more in India, the birth of Jesus or the birth of Salman Khan?
So, I left off at the song, right? So, song ends, and Varun gets a bucket of water in his face. Because he was sleeping leaning against the car in the garage instead of working or even being awake to prevent the theft of a car radio! Shahrukh chides him gently, Varun is very apologetic, but again, not that scared. (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
And then cut to the first comedy sequence! Oh boy! In one of my earlier reviews I mentioned how these feel like a whole different movie that had been forced on to the original, better, film. And I am standing by that!
Anyway, here we are in another garage with even more eccentric decorating (a bedazzled skull phone, for instance). And here is Sanjay Mishra, with unusual hair and an American pop culture t-shirt (I don’t remember what it is in this scene, but I know later it is a very accurate picture of Heath Ledger’s version of the joker. That kind of thing). And here is Sidhu! Varun’s best friend/honorary brother! He is also the thief that is tormenting their garage!
(this phone)
He and Sanjay Mishra (character name, Oscar Bhai. Ooo, Christian! We really are in Goa!) have a conversation about how much money he will pay for the car radio. I am briefly interested in his comic dialogue stylings. He uses the sort of rhyming, alliterative style of talk that is part of classical Indian poetry. Think Jackie Shroff in SLB’s Devdas. And the last two words of every line are a matching pair of brand names, like “nokia-blackberry.” So it is kind of a cool combination of classical Indian literature rules, and modern India’s brand obsession. But after about 2 minutes, the novelty wears off and I am done with this character.
So, I’ve been trying and trying to avoid spoilers, or warn people off spoilers, but turns out, you all want spoilers! My spoiler-full posts are getting a lot more readers than my spoiler-free posts. So I will bow to the wishes of the majority and proceed to spoil the WHOLE THING. If you want to know, in analytical and descriptive detail, every single thing about Dilwale (up to the first song, at least, the rest to be posted as time allows), continue reading below! (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here) Continue reading →
The title is the nice way to put it. The other way would be, “Salman Khan threw a birthday party while his stepmother went to the funeral of one of her closest friends.”
Thanks to Melanie for this amazing video! So far, it doesn’t have subtitles, so I have provided a VERY LOOSE translation below.
(if the link doesn’t work for you, try this: http://tvfplay.com/episode/4/23/43)
I can’t give it to you word for word, but the general sense of it is that he says he doesn’t think Kajol and Shahrukh are anything special, and gets chased out of the theater. The guy he meets on the street bonds with him over “Coolie No.1 is just as romantic as DDLJ!” (Coolie No.1 was a comedy movie from the 90s with Govinda and Karisma). And he invites him to join a “Chi-chi and Lolo” fan club (old nicknames for Govinda and Karisma). And then gets shot.
On the train, you probably got most of it, they keep telling him to raise the hands again. Then! The important bit!
So, Shahrukh and Kajol arrive, Shahrukh corrects him and asks him to call him “Dr. Shahrukh”, and Kajol sticks with “just Kajol”. Then, in my favorite bit, Kajol’s phone rings, and the ringtone is from a terrible terrible movie she was in with her husband! Terrible terrible! I love it, of course, but I have never managed to get anyone else to sit through it. This is the song they use for the ringtone. It’s just so cheesy!
And then Kajol answers the phone, and starts giving wife-like directions “did you look in the fridge? No, third shelf.” And then switches to cute talk about whose bum is cuter (I love Kajol SO MUCH).
After she hangs up, here is the the dialogue more or less word for word.
Kajol: So tell me, what problem do you have with our jodi?
Jeetu: No problem. I was just saying that onscreen there are other jodis that seem good.
Shahrukh: There are other good jodis? You mean (ha) Lolo Chi-chi?
Jeetu: Yes, no, I mean.. John Bipasha?
Shahrukh: Hey, we’re talking about romance! Not that kind of stuff.
Kajol: Exactly
Jeetu: So, Hrithik Kareena?
Shahrukh: Oh! Yaaaaaaaa-dein
Kajol: Main Prem ki Diwaaaaaaaaniiii.
Shahrukh: Haha. Jodi?
Jeetu: Ranveer-Deepika?
Shahrukh: Ranbir?
Kajol: Ranveer
Shahrukh: No, he said Ranbir
Kajol: He said Ranveer!
Shahrukh: Which name did you say?
Jeetu: I don’t know, now I am confused as well.
Shahrukh: Confused teenagers!
Jeetu: Also, Sha-Doctor Sahib and Juhi jodi was very nice.
Shahrukh: Really? You liked that? We were so cute always!
Kajol: What!?!?
Shahrukh: What?!? That’s what I mean! What! What are you saying! Juhi and my jodi just worked in Eden Gardens [home of Kolkata Knight Riders]. But Kajol and my jodi was good in every garden. Especially mustard gardens!
Crowd: You said it, Sir!!!
Jeetu: What is your proof, sir?
Shahrukh: You want proof? Say it!
Kajol: Which jodis height, weight, and even the skin tone is the same?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Which jodi has had the most free coffee on Koffee with Karan?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Which jodi has peer pressured boys to keep the Karva Chauth fast?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Kajol: Made you run to catch the train?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Who put Switzerland on the world map?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Kajol: Who promoted basketball in India?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol
Shahrukh: Who got the biggest slap from Amrish Puri?
Shahrukh: And the last question: how many months after the DDLJ release date is your birth date?
Kajol: 9 months?
Shahrukh: 9 months, 20 days, 4 hours.
Kajol: Huh?
Shahrukh: Third show, Maratha Mandir, Uncle-Auntie, that time…?
Kajol: So now tell me, what is the reason you came into this world?
Jeetu: Shahrukh Kajol?
And then the end is just back to the beginning bit, only now Jeetu is the super fan, and his friend is the doubter (or, as the girl in the first bit says, “atheist!”
I though about not posting this today, because it is Christmas, but then I thought a little more, and I realized it isn’t really a sad post at all. Sadhana passed away yesterday, which I learned through Aamir Khan’s twitter. I have no idea how he found out. Spies at the hospital?
Anyway, Sadhana sounds like a nice lady who had a pretty nice life, and then died. Which is a pretty nice epitaph!
(If you feel the need to honor her by watching one of her films, I highly recommend Waqt. It is very cheerful and Christmas appropriate, lots of family values.)
I always enjoy these slideshows. There is such a random collection of people who choose to celebrate Christmas. Which is nice, because Christmas is awesome, and anyone who feels like it should celebrate it. And anyone who doesn’t, shouldn’t have to. And going by the randomness of these, that seems to be the policy followed by the Indian film fraternity.
(well, it’s mandatory for the Kapoors, who always celebrate with the annual Shashi Kapoor Christmas lunch. Which is also nice, because Shashi hosts it in honor of his late wife Jennifer, so it isn’t just a random holiday for them, it is a mandatory tribute to a beloved aunt/wife/sister-in-law/mother who started the tradition)
So, according to this (thank you Melanie for pointing it out!), Shahrukh just “confirmed” a sequel to Ra.One. I don’t exactly get a confirmation from the quote they use, I get more of a “yes, I am still interested!” from it. Which is still exciting, because I am also interested in a sequel! I loved Ra.One, every big stupid bit of it.
The article goes on to point out the dismal box office profits for Ra.One, to indicate that if this sequel does not happen, it may be for monetary reasons. However, I disagree, I think if it does go through, it is for monetary reasons.
The thing everyone forgets about Ra.One is that the profits weren’t in the box office, they were in everything else. And that Shahrukh owned all the rights, and claimed all the profits. Ra.One was the first Indian film to get a deal with McDonalds happy meals, it had action figures, it had comics, it had a video game, the sale of the TV rights alone practically covered all the production costs.
In this, the season of Star Wars, we must all remember that the money is in the merchandising.
According to Times of India, overseas business is going great guns, and is picking up over the week, especially among family audiences, as the holiday nears. So there is still hope! Just like I said, the second weekend box office is going to be the big one. This weekend, with schools closed worldwide, Dilwale‘s family friendly content may take the lead over Bajirao with it’s more adults-only content (not like it is super sexual or anything, just fewer bright colors and stupid jokes for 3 year olds).
And, they also say, I am right that Varun is appealing to young people. Which I agree with, because I am a young person, and I find him appealing.
Plot, cast, inexplicable foreign locals-Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and Dilwale share it all! But they are separated by 14 years, and a different director, and different life points of their stars. So, what changed?
I want to hear from you! I can see people are reading and I want to know what you think! Please, if you haven’t commented before, feel free to post anything about any post, or any post you would like to see, or anything else on your mind! I promise I will respond, even if it is just to say “polo” to your “marco”.
So, Darr, the first time the world sat up and went “Hey! That Shahrukh guy can ACT! And is also cute.” But what does it have to do with Dilwale? Well, for one thing, it is one of Shahrukh’s few Christmas releases (the anniversary falling today). Which is actually kind of important, Christmas (in Indian film practice) is a time for slightly darker films.
Apparently, the prosecutors have decided to appeal his appeal, and open up the manslaughter case again. So he’s back to waiting for the court case to resolve before he can get married! So frustrating! I just want him to settle down and have a massive blow out wedding with a lot of photographs available to the public and various new feuds started and old feuds ended a the reception! Is that too much to ask?
I mean, he is a King, and the great-nephew of India’s greatest writer, and Sharmila Tagore’s son, so I guess he is legitimately more-Up than most people. But he’s not bigger than Salman! And he better not forget it.
According to rediff, at the Stardust awards, he gave Salman the cut direct. That is, he saw him enter the room, and immediately left, brushing by him without acknowledgement. Salman pretended not to notice, because Saif is so far below him it doesn’t even matter. He can afford to look down on basically everybody. Except maybe his father and Amitabh.
Rediff points out that this is odd, since Kareena and Salman are super tight, and have been since forever, he practically treats her as another sister. My thought is, remember my post about who Salman should marry? What if I had the right family but the wrong sister? What if he has been cherishing a secret love for Kareena for years? What if she has been also but thought he never cared and therefore married Saif instead? What if now that the shadow of jail no longer hangs over him he could remain silent no longer? What if the most scandalous divorce of all time is about to happen? What if the two angriest men in India had fisticuffs on stage at the FilmFare awards? I would be so happy!
So, after my second Dilwale viewing, I really started to notice the, shall we call it “borrowing” from other media products? I caught exact matches with How I Met Your Mother, Love Actually, and P.S. I Love You. This is different from the other “borrowing” Indian films do, the subtle winks to the audience because they know you know they know where it came from originally. Like in Johnny Gaddar, when our hero solves his alibi issue by watching an Amitabh movie and realizing he can use the same tactic. No, this is when you use the best part of a little known western pop culture product, hoping that no one will catch you at it.
Sometimes this feels kind of naughty and gleeful, like when Salaam-E-Ishq lifts the best part of an old Doris Day and Rock Hudson movie, because how many people in the world will have seen both (just me, probably. But you should really watch Send Me No Flowers! Tony Randall is brilliant in it).
(Really, watch it! It’s fun!)
But in this case, it is really really recent films, and fairly well-known (in the West) moments from them. It’s not like the director hunted through his vast video library to find something really good, or like he fell in love with something he stumbled across on TV at 3am and decided to sneak it into the film. This is feels more like a college student pulling an all nighter trying to finish a final paper and giving into temptation and just cutting and pasting from wikipedia.
I would actually be, like, angry and disappointed about this, but on the other hand, 5 months! Rohit Shetty only had 5 months to make a whole movie! So I’m more on the side of “if the Professor assigns an impossible workload, he should expect students to cheat a little!”
(by the way, this article has a few more I missed. But I caught P.S. I Love You and they didn’t, so I can still hold my head up high. Be warned, they go into some detail which might spoil something for you!)
So, Business of Cinema has updates for midweek. According to them, Dilwale is facing a steep fall, while Bajirao has a steady climb. However, they point out that Bajirao still has a ways to go to overcome Dilwale‘s very strong start last weekend. And, they assign blame for Dilwale‘s fall not so much to bad word of mouth, but to the resurgent protests in multiple cities.
I care about this deeply, of course, but not as much as I care about free speech and speaking truth to power and so on and so forth. And apparently Shahrukh agrees with me, since he recently avoided an opportunity to apologize and thereby end the protests, instead saying “I have not said anything that I should apologize (for). I will fall in my own eyes if I do that.”
No spoilers! Unless you count generalized comments about narrative structure as spoilers. If you are that one person who goes to a movie thinking “oo, oo! I wonder if it will have multiple storylines with subsets of character types, or all be one cohesive plot!”, then don’t read this.
dontcallitbollywood 