Karan-Arjun in Bullet Points

So many more notes here than I made for Bajirao!  It really is a much deeper film.  Or at least faster paced.  I’ll be putting up the full and detailed summary over the next few days, but in the meantime, here is a little preview of all that happens in this wonderful wonderful movie.

(also, how proud am I of the pun in my header image?  SO PROUD)

(bullet point version of synopsis, for full film, available here.  Part 2 here.  Part 3 here. Part 4 here.  Final part here.)

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Monday morning: Eat your fruits and vegetables!

So remember how I mentioned Shahrukh sexily eating a radish?  It occurred to me that this was not the first time he had taken advantage of fruit-and-vegetable based acting techniques.  And, as a special Monday morning treat (and a reminder to eat healthier now that the holidays are officially over), here are an assortment of fruit and vegetable SRK moments.
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Dilwale Box Office: Was this all part of a master plan?

So, Bollywoodhungama.com just posted an analysis of the second weekend Dilwale numbers.  They see the limp box office for Dilwale and good word of mouth for Bajirao as a sign that Shahrukh should take a moment and think about doing something a little different, instead of just relying on his star quality to carry the picture, because the audience is obviously tired of the same old thing.  I agree with their analysis of the box office numbers and all, but I think they are missing the bigger picture.  Maybe Dilwale released when it did BECAUSE he wants to different films, and needed to rush a traditional one out the door first.

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Dilwale Spoilers: Whole plot revealed!!! Part 1

So, I’ve been trying and trying to avoid spoilers, or warn people off spoilers, but turns out, you all want spoilers!  My spoiler-full posts are getting a lot more readers than my spoiler-free posts.  So I will bow to the wishes of the majority and proceed to spoil the WHOLE THING.  If you want to know, in analytical and descriptive detail, every single thing about Dilwale (up to the first song, at least, the rest to be posted as time allows), continue reading below! (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, part 6 here, and part 7 here)
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Merry Christmas!!!

I already posted some Holiday fanvids in my post-Thanksgiving post, but there are more!

(I know it is really a Mithun song, but it just feels right done by SRKelf)

(It’s from 2013, but I am sure they still wish us this year!)

(all I ever wanted was Christmas wishes from Salman Khan and an underwear company!)

(somehow both sexy and festive!)

And how did I not find this channel until today?!?!?  I have wasted my December!!!  I could have watched the video below 24 days ago!

 

Ra.One Sequel? Maybe? Or maybe not

So, according to this (thank you Melanie for pointing it out!), Shahrukh just “confirmed” a sequel to Ra.One.  I don’t exactly get a confirmation from the quote they use, I get more of a “yes, I am still interested!” from it.  Which is still exciting, because I am also interested in a sequel!  I loved Ra.One, every big stupid bit of it.

The article goes on to point out the dismal box office profits for Ra.One, to indicate that if this sequel does not happen, it may be for monetary reasons.  However, I disagree, I think if it does go through, it is for monetary reasons.

The thing everyone forgets about Ra.One is that the profits weren’t in the box office, they were in everything else.  And that Shahrukh owned all the rights, and claimed all the profits.  Ra.One was the first Indian film to get a deal with McDonalds happy meals, it had action figures, it had comics, it had a video game, the sale of the TV rights alone practically covered all the production costs.

In this, the season of Star Wars, we must all remember that the money is in the merchandising.

Dilwale Box Office: Ha! I was right!

According to Times of India, overseas business is going great guns, and is picking up over the week, especially among family audiences, as the holiday nears.  So there is still hope!  Just like I said, the second weekend box office is going to be the big one.  This weekend, with schools closed worldwide, Dilwale‘s family friendly content may take the lead over Bajirao with it’s more adults-only content (not like it is super sexual or anything, just fewer bright colors and stupid jokes for 3 year olds).

And, they also say, I am right that Varun is appealing to young people.  Which I agree with, because I am a young person, and I find him appealing.

Dilwale and Darr: Both Start with D! And other simalarities

So, Darr, the first time the world sat up and went “Hey!  That Shahrukh guy can ACT!  And is also cute.”  But what does it have to do with Dilwale?  Well, for one thing, it is one of Shahrukh’s few Christmas releases (the anniversary falling today).  Which is actually kind of important, Christmas (in Indian film practice) is a time for slightly darker films.

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Dilwale and Dushman: Spoilers Go Boom!! Do Not Read if you have not seen!

So, yesterday I talked about how Shahrukh’s film Trimurti from the 90s echos the themes in Dilwale (plagiarism?  An homage? Laziness?  Who’s to say?!?!) (it’s laziness).  But Trimurti isn’t the only film that explores concepts which are touched on by Dilwale.  Going back into the 90s, we find Dushman, another film in which Kajol fights for her sister, triumphs through violence, and then turns to love.

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Dilwale vs Trimurti: Spoilers for both! Beware!!!

So, the plot of Dilwale can either be seen as a triumphant homage to multiple past films of Shahrukh and Kajol’s careers.  Or, it can be seen as part of an industry that is constantly recycling plots and abhors originality.  I would argue it is a combination of the two, certainly the essential plot is a result of laziness, but it is still worth while to compare the way it interacts with past performances and films in order to discover how things have changed and how the stay the same.

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Dilwale Box Office Report

So, the first weekend figures are out, and rediff.com has an analysis.  Well, a lot of sites have an analysis, but I trust rediff the most.

The short answer is, Dilwale wins!  But the long answer is more complex, and involves Salman Khan.  Things that involve Salman are always complex.

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Dilwale news-missing song

So, if you happen to have obsessively listened to the Dilwale soundtrack on Saavn.com, you probably noticed that when you went to see it in the theaters, one of the songs was missing.  And if you happened to have obsessively followed the filming news, you may have noticed that they filmed in Iceland (check!) and Bulgaria (check!) and Goa (check!), but also Hyderabad (no check!).  So, where is the missing song and the missing Hyderabad sequence?

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Dilwale Review 1: No spoilers!

So, I saw Dilwale last night, and I will have many many thoughts, slowly unspinning from my head, over the next few days.  Rather than try to limit them all to one perfect post, I’m going to just go ahead and post as things slowly rise to the top of my consciousness.

The first thing that strikes me is that this movie is meant to be watched in a theater filled with rowdy and licentious SRK fans.  Not the ones who appreciate him for his acting abilities and keen business savvy, the other ones.  For instance, one of my friends was wearing this subtle, respectful, and tasteful piece of jewelry.

(purchased on etsy from the shop FreshAndRussianStyle)

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This Guy!!!

So, if you have watched your fair number of 90s Hindi films, you immediately went “Yes!  That guy!” as soon as you saw the picture up there.  He’s one of those people that wanders in and out of films, playing the guy who is like-the-hero-but-not-as-good.  Friend, rival, enemy, brother, what have you.  In, like, Everything!!!

He played Sanjay’s best friend and side-kick in Sadak:

(It is a special challenge as a side-kick to make Sanjay look like a good dancer)

A year later, he was in Khiladi, supporting Akshay:

(Shirtless Akshay presents different challenges.  Like, being visible on the screen when he is blinding us with his hotness)

The same year, he was Aamir’s rival in Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander

(ooo, they are so evil!)

In 1994, he twice bested Shahrukh in a romantic challenge, in both Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa and Anjaam:

(I love this movie, and I really love this song.  I don’t care that it makes no sense on any level.  Also, did you know this actress married Shekhar Kapur, director of Mr. India and the Cate Blanchette Elizabeth movies?)

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SRKajol: A historical review

So, with this new movie, there’s going to be a lot of comparisons with past SRKajol films and judgments and greatest hits lists and so on.  So I thought, why not join the party!  Before I’ve even see Dilwale, so my judgement is not yet sullied.  And then I realized, picking a #1 all time best SRKajol film is easy, but the 5 (6, now) after that are hard.

#1, of course, is DDLJ.  I say that not just because it is my favorite movie of all time, but because, objectively speaking, it is the highest quality film they have been in together, and the most beloved.  The script deals with issues ranging from structural feminism to first versus second generation immigrants to marriage as a personal or societal undertaking.  Plus, it has Shahrukh’s all time greatest acting moment:

If you don’t remember all the other awesome bits of the film, YRF conveniently put together this remix for the 20 year anniversary:

(I think I like the remix better than the original, don’t hate me!)

But what comes after DDLJ?

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Dilwale News from the Front 3

And the protests have started!  Sort of lackadaisical ones, and in Delhi,so I guess Raj Thackeray’s efforts against SRK in Bombay didn’t take off?  Is it like a family tradition now, for Thackeray’s to try to prevent the release of SRKajol films?

I do want to point out that the Dilwale protesters seem to be having a much better time than the Bajirao protesters.  See, even protesting it, Dilwale is the better choice!

Dilwale: News from the Front 2

According to twitter, house full through out India, UAE, and not Egypt because they have to wait until the 30th (poor Egypt).  Also, Madhuri wished him luck and Karan congratulated him.  This picture SRK posted to twitter himself kind of sums it up:

opening day.jpg

So what I’m saying is, poor Bajirao.

AbRam! So much SRK coverage today!

I mean, there’s always a lot of SRK coverage.  Supposedly, Neha Dhupia said in an interview “Only sex and SRK sell”, a quote which instantly became an aphorism.  And with the way her career is going, she is probably going to be more famous for that quote than anything else.  And thereby prove her point, because it’s the closest she’s ever come to being associated with SRK.

Anyway, on any random day if you turn to Times of India, they will have some kind of SRK slide-show or news story or something, because they know we will click on it.  This habit reached it’s nadir/zenith when this article was briefly their top online headline.  It works, of course, I not only clicked on that article but discussed it in depth with multiple people, and checked the site obsessively for any follow-up information they might have.

But with a movie coming out, there is this cycle (sycle?) where Shahrukh is giving greater access than usual, which means more to report, and because there is more reporting, people are thinking about him more and more, and are more likely to click on even old stories if they are posted on a homepage.

Which lead to this, an epic 37 page slide-show combining every single slide-show ToI has ever done on AbRam into one, leading off with the recent quotes about him courtesy of the Dilwale publicity express.

NOT Dilwale Spoilers, just Love Lessons from SRK

So, this article was posted on rediff yesterday, and I avoided it for fear of spoilers, but turns out it was just a bunch of charming quotes from people.

Highlights:

Varun, in the trailer, you are seen doing the Shah Rukh Khan pose. Did you practice?

Varun: Actually, a lot of work went into that pose because we checked a lot of videos. Kriti checked and even Rohit sir checked. He (Shah Rukh Khan) has a lot of fans and you don’t want to get it wrong because they may come and beat me up at home.

So we really practiced it. I still haven’t perfected it obviously. But now I’ve got it, and I’m going to perfect the pose — hopefully.

SRK: I have not perfected it yet. I’m also trying.

 

Shah Rukh, because of you, Raj Malhotra is an impossible character to replicate. It’s actually difficult for us to propose to a girl because of your characters. Do you think love from 20 years ago is different from what we see now?

SRK: First thing, I’m sorry you’re not getting through to people because of my Raj. But don’t worry, you’ll get there.

 

And finally,

SRK: …… I want to thank so many of you — in New York, Canada, London, and everywhere — for making sure that Bollywood is being spread all over the world.  If it wasn’t for people like you, who are talking about it, holding onto it — good, bad, in a criticizing way or in an appreciative way — I don’t think Bollywood or Indian films would have reached where they’ve reached in the last 10 years. So thank you very much.

 

Aw, thank you Shahrukh!  And you are welcome!

Boring Industrial Inside Baseball stuff

Notice how I put the really exciting picture at the top so we would remember why this really matters?

So, currently, the highest Shahrukh movie on the all time gross list for India is number 5.  NUMBER 5!!!  The shame of it!  Ahead of him is PK, Bajrangi Bhaijaan, Bahubali, and Dhoom 3.  The whole list is here on wikipedia.

Now, you know what all these films have in common?  They are all from the past 5 years.  And the film at the top is usually from within the past 2 years.  In America, we are used to that, the top grossers are always fairly recent, but in India that wasn’t always the case.  Mother India set a box office record in 1957 that stayed in place for 3 years until Mughal-E-Azam surpassed it in 1960.  Mughal-E-Azam held the record until Sholay beat it in 1975.  Sholay  held the record until Hum Aapke Hain Koun came along in 1994.  Hum Aapke Hain Koun was toppled quickly by DDLJ in 1995.  Then DDLJ lost it’s crown to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai in 1998.  That record held until 2001 when it was beaten by both Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and Gadar: Ek Prem Katha.  Gadar held the record until 3 Idiots in 2009, at which point everyone breathed a sigh of release because they could start pretending Gadar never happened (very very problematic messages in that film).  And then 3 Idiots held the record for a long time, by a big big margin, until it was finally beaten by Chennai Express in 2013.  All Shahrukh fans cheered and celebrated and laughed in the faces of their Aamir-fan friends, or at least that’s what I did.  Truly, it was a magical time!

SRK@B2.jpg

(Shahrukh, take a bow!  You earned it!)

And then about 2 months later, Dhoom 3 came out and Aamir was on top again.  It stayed up there for a year, until PK came out, and then Aamir had the two top spots.  PK is still up there, but Bajrangi Bhaijaan did really well this summer and came close to beating it.  And Bahubali, of course, is a huge deal since it is the only non-Hindi film up there (although it was distributed by a Bombay based production house, Dharma, which is very important in terms of overseas awareness and national reach in India).

So, on the micro-level, this just means we all need to buy as many tickets for Dilwale as humanly possible in order to return Shahrukh to his rightful ranking.  I don’t care if you are actually seeing Star Wars, you buy your ticket for Dilwale!!!

But on a macro-level, in terms of global trends, economics, and the future of the industry, what does all of this mean and where does it come from?

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Zamaana-Deewana: Another Movie Only I like

So, I just put Zamaana-Deewana on my Christmas list.  I already own it (of course, I own all Shahrukh movies.  Yes, even Maya Memsaab), but I need another back-up copy for when my current copy wears out.  To which the response I got from my family was “You wore out a copy of ZAMAANA-DEEWANA?!?!?”

See, most people don’t appreciate the brilliance of this film.  If you look at it as a straight up 90s rom-com-action-family-gangster film, it’s got a super super sexy song:

and cute baby-faced Shahrukh:

(even cuter in Spanish!)

and an awesome Anupum Kehr drag number:

but otherwise it is nothing special.

But, if you look at in context of the director’s career, it is fascinating!

So, Zamaana-Deewana is the last film directed by Ramesh Sippy, director of Sholay.  Poor Ramesh Sippy, at age 28 he made not just his greatest film, but the greatest film in the history of Indian film.  Where do you go from there?  Where he went was a long descent into irrelevance, fighting it every step of the way.

To back up a moment, let’s talk about Ramesh Sippy’s childhood (if I’ve learned anything from Indian movies, it’s that all the important motivations happen in the childhood flashback).  Sippy’s Dad, G.P. Sippy was one of the first, and the few, businessman producers.  Because of the legal difficulties with making films in India (censorship, lack of industrial status prior to 1999, constant threat of civil cases against you, the mob’s protection racket, etc. etc.), most producers are also directors (or actors or writers) who get into the business for the love of film rather than simply to make money.

GP Sippy not only got into film to make money, he was really good at it!  He started funding films back in the 1950s, and by the 1960s was one of the leading producers in the industry.  Eventually, he did get into directing, but it was more from a standpoint of saving a buck and doing it himself than a deep artistic calling.

Ramesh grew up on filmsets, acting where a bit player was needed, watching his father fight with writers and directors until he got the most profitable possible version, making nice with the stars and star composers, learning all that goes into a film.

And then when he was 23, his father gifted him a film, Andaz.  It looked like the first financial miss-step of GP Sippy’s producing career-who would let their 23 year old kid direct the two biggest male stars of the day (Shammi Kapoor and Rajesh Khanna) with a recent arrival from the southern industries (Hema Malini), and a plot about widow re-marriage?

And then of course it turned into a huge hit.  Shammi gave a totally out of character performance as a sad widower, Rajesh Khanna was riding high on a string of hits and even his glorified cameo appearance gave a boost to the box office, and Hemaji was Hemaji.

This first film was notable for several reasons; the way Ramesh juggled the star cast, the slightly radical societal message, the strong female characters.  Ramesh doubled down (literally!) on the strong female characters with his next, Seeta Aur Geeta in which Hema Malini plays identical twins with very different personalities.

He also upped the star cast, having Hema be romanced by both Sanjeev Kumar and Dharmendra (side-note: this was also the beginning of Hema’s real life love triangle between the two men, although watching the film kind of spoils how it will end, as she has crazy chemistry with one of them and not so much with the other).  The film was a huge hit, especially internationally.  There is a good chance, if you grew up in the USSR during the 1980s, you saw this movie.

Most importantly, Seeta Aur Geeta confirmed the partnership between Sippy and the scriptwriters Salim-Javed.  They had worked on Andaz as well, but it was with Seeta Aud Geeta that they proved their brilliance to the Sippy father and son.

The Sippy’s put their faith in Salim-Javed and paid them to start working on their magnum-opus, a film about two crooks who go to save a village from bandits.  And thus was born Sholay.

We all know what happened when Sholay came out.  Slow start, followed by massive success, ran for 5 years, defined the careers of all who worked in it, Hema Malini married Dharmendra, etc. etc.

But what happened to Ramesh afterwords?  Well, eventually, he had to go back to work and try to make something that could compete with his own brilliance.  His next film, Shaan, was basically Sholay, but bigger!  Two more loafers with hearts of gold, another big bad villain, another noble cop.  Only this time, the villain has a remote Island hide-out, and the end fight scene involves helicopters!  And, explosions!

(I have no idea what language those subtitles are in) (Update: Romanian!  Thank you Anna!)

Basically, he was attempting to imitate his own imitators, who had taken the success of Sholay and only seen in it an epic action film, not an action film with multiple strong social messages, brilliant characterizations, perfect casting, and really, perfect everything.

So, Shaan didn’t work the way he hoped, his next film, he leaned heavily into the social message side of Sholay.  And the amazing acting/casting side, as he managed to get Amitabh Bachchan acting against Dilip Kumar (by the way, happy day after your birthday, Dilipsaab!).  Great script concept, a noble cop who fights for justice inside the law must confront his own son who fights for justice outside of it, lots of nice twists, some clever call backs to the 1950s classic Awara, it all looks great.

And it is great!  Shakti is an evergreen classic.  But it was no Sholay.  Failed to set the box office on fire, failed to truly win the hearts and minds of the Indian public.

So what’s left for Ramesh to try, as he fights his way down to the bottom?  Well, there’s always sex!  Saagar, his next, still has that Sippy touch with the casting.  He got Dimple Kapadia in her comeback film, which reunited her with her Bobby caste-mate Rishi Kapoor.  And southern genius Kamal Haasan in one of his few Hindi roles.  But it is mostly remembered because Dimple has a brief topless scene.  It was the mid-80s, after a decade of post-Sholay action movies, the audience was mostly made up of teenage boys, and that’s what they wanted.

And then there was Zameen, which hardly made a blip on the film scene (even wikipedia doesn’t have an entry for it), and marked one of the few entries of southern star Rajnikanth in Hindi cinema.  The 80s were the era of southern films, as audience turned increasingly to their raunch and action and excess (similar to how they do now), and Sippy tried to live with that.  His next film starred Mithun Chakroborty, another southern import.

And then he reached a turning point.  Much like one of his own heroes, he shook his fist to the sky and swore he would stop living this life of lies!  Or at least, that’s how I picture it.  His next film, Akayla, not only starred Amitabh, it was written by Salim-Javed and revolved around twins.  It even has a reference to Seeta Aur Geeta built into it!  Anyway, this last desperate attempt to reclaim his destiny failed horribly, both critically and at the box office.

(yes, that is Amrita Singh, Saif Ali Khan’s first wife)

And then, finally, 4 years later, we have Zamaana-Deewana.  Think of Thakur Sahib patiently watching Ramlaal pound the nails into his shoes.  He is methodically and outwardly calm, but inside he is on fire! He wants to destroy, piece by piece, that which took his dreams from him.  This is how I picture Ramesh approaching his first 1990s Rom-Com.

So, it opens with a meeting of the police department as they struggle to deal with the gang war going on in their city.  A classic set-up for a 70s film exploring the connections between order and disorder, crime and criminals.  But it is interrupted!  By Anupum Kehr, wacky top-cop, who’s solution for this crime spree is simple: A Love Story!!!

Which leads directly into a 20 minute sequence of Shahrukh Khan and Raveena Tandon falling into picture perfect, saccharine sweet, love.  If you watch it straight, it is kind of boring and by the numbers love song.

But it isn’t not straight at all.  After it is over, Anupum Kehr admits that it was all his fantasy of how young people will behave and he is promptly shouted down by others, because of course that is a ridiculous fantasy.

To see what Ramesh is getting, compare this:

With this:

Or this:

 

That is some epic shade, right there!  I mean, I love Maine Pyar Kiya and QSQT, but they really do have the most ridiculously sweet and innocent characters.  I can see Ramesh Sippy, with his complex character with adult problems, like widow remarriage or violent criminals or the divide between law and justice, just spitting on these puppy-eyed twerps taking over his films.

His point just becomes clearer once we are actually introduced to our hero and heroine as they really are, not as they are imagined.  The 90s directors saw Indian youth as pure and innocent, blank slates for emotions, or to put it another way, stupid. Sippy sees them as crazy conmen, full of energy, power, and no direction.  Remember, this is our hero:

(still cute in Greek and German!)

The film really peaks in the first half hour, with that awesome fantasy sequence take-down, but there are other delights in store for the viewer who watches it with an eye to the 90s tropes. The ending takes the “interrupted wedding” idea to the extreme, with fathers and other authority figures changing their tunes second by second depending on the perceived marital status of the heroine:

(I also like when she is going to commit suicide by using the ceremonial fire to burn her wedding sari.  So the metaphors are just too rich to swallow!)

And of course, we have the extremely literal take on the “oh my goodness, now I know what love is!” moment.  The super sexy song above comes about because the hero and heroine’s eyes meet, in the rain, and then they have to be force ably separated and locked in separate rooms, or else they will have sex, right there, and nothing can stop it!  Even though, mere hours earlier, they were actually handcuffed together and locked in a bedroom, and nothing happened:

(Because they aren’t in luuuuurrrrv yet.)

Anyway, if you watch this film as a straight up 90s Rom-com-gangster-action film, it ricochets wildly between being super boring (all the set-up for the gangster feud and evil plotting!  Get to the point already!), and super strange (why does Anupum Kehr have a ten minute drag scene?).  But if you watch it as bitter, angry Ramesh Sippy shouting to the world “See!  See what you have reduced me too!”, then it is brilliant.

And I was thinking I was the only person who appreciated it, but based on the only youtube clips I was able to find, it is only India that doesn’t appreciate Sippy, the rest of the world loves him!

 

 

 

 

Yet Another Trailer!

Okay, back in October sometime, Shahrukh told Times of India: “Jis film mein main aur Kajol hai, ek romantic gaana toh banta hi hai, jis film mein Varun Dhawan ho, ek dancing number toh banta hi hai, Jisme do bhai ho, ek bhaiyo ka gaana bhi banta hi hai, jisme ek khoobsurat heroine ho uska ek aur gaana bhi banta hi hai, aur jab poori family ho toh ek sad gaana bhi banta hi hai. Aur yeh sab ho jaaye toh ek item number bhi banta hi banta hai.

Very loosely translated, I think he is saying there will be a romantic number for him and Kajol, a dancing number for Varun, a song about brothers, a song about what a pretty heroine there is, a sad number, and an item number.

So, I don’t actually know if I could line them up one by one at this point (is the romantic number “Janam Janam” or “Gerua”?  Or is “Gerua” the beautiful one?  Or “Janam Janam” the sad one?), but that means 6 songs, right?  And so far we have seen only 4?  Counting the new one out today?

The only one I am sure we haven’t seen yet is the item number.  I haven’t even heard rumors as to who might be the item person!  Although if that is why Ajay was visiting Kajol in Bulgaria, to be the item boy in her film, I will die of happiness!

526x297-icW.jpg

Oh!  No!  Even better!  That’s why her mom was visiting in Iceland!  Tanuja, returning to her roots!

Quantico-I’m Free! For 3 Months at Least!

I did it!  I got all the way through the first half of Quantico, watching just in case there is a moment that directly relates to or reveals something about Priyanka’s Indian career.  And there is not!  But I will be back in March (or whenever), just in case at some point she breaks character, faces the camera, and tells us all about what she really thinks about Kareena Kapoor, what the big fight with Karan Johar was about, and if Ranveer Singh actually hates her as much as he seems to in interviews (and vice versa).

So far, it’s just been a bunch of stuff that those who watch her Indian stuff already know: she is totally willing to do sexy scenes and kisses, her hair is great, she definitely has a new nose, and she has weird chemistry with powerful older men.  Oh, and she can’t act (duh).

What I didn’t realize before was how much she is willing to sell out her identity in order to make it overseas.  I know that she isn’t the one writing the show or producing it, but she claims she had her choice of scripts and concepts, and this is the one she chose?  One that turns a Christmas episode into a New Years one because they didn’t want to deal in anyway with whether a Hindu and a Muslim would celebrate Christmas?  One that, last week, dismissed her Om bracelet as a symbol of her personal identity, rather than a sign of her being a practitioner of the 3rd largest religion in the world?  One that argues we should avoid violence against the Muslim community because it will turn them against us, not because it is wrong?

In his interview last month with Vogue India, Shahrukh Khan was once again asked why he has never taken a role in an American film, despite being the most popular international star:

“I hope everyone who ‘goes across’ does very well. We’re the biggest filmmaking country in the world and it’s time we were outbound. Yes, if there’s a film with the right role for me, I’ll do it. But I’ll be honest; I’ve never been offered such a film….They should be [afraid of me]. They have to offer me something that doesn’t disrespect my audience of 1.2 billion. I’d never disrespect that,”

Not just Shahrukh, but all of the major stars have given some version of this explanation.  Aamir, Salman, Amitabh, they don’t want to work overseas unless it is something that respects them, and respects their audience.

So the biggest thing I learned about Priyanka from my death march through this show is that she doesn’t respect her audience, and she doesn’t seem to respect herself much either.